Snapping Turtle Told To Slow Down And Smell The Flowers

Snapping turtle

Snappy Shellston, a local snapping turtle, has been advised by his therapist to slow down and smell the flowers. “Mr. Shellston is under a lot of stress,” said his therapist. “In our modern, high-speed world he has trouble keeping up. He has been plugging along but the stress builds up.”

“Here’s the thing,” Mr. Shellston responded when we reached him by telephone. “I’ve already slowed down. I’m always slow! And I’m already smelling the flowers! Just take a look at this picture of me walking to work through a field of flowers.”

“Look, my therapist wants me to slow down. If I slow down any more, I will come to a complete stop. That’s not it. I went in for therapy because I just got out of a bad breakup. I’m seeing a new girl, band I just don’t want to make the same mistakes. So, please tell my therapist to quit asking me to slow down. Does this guy know anything about turtles?”

About Joe Ditzel

Joe Ditzel is a keynote speaker, humor writer, and really bad golfer. You can reach him via email at [email protected] as well as Twitter, Facebook, Google+ and LinkedIn.

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