Why Did I Have to Learn Cursive Writing?

What was the point of learning cursive writing? In the U.S., oldsters remember learning how to print letters, then later learning how to write the same letters in cursive. Why? That’s like learning how to speak English, and then learning “Ohioan,” which is close to English but includes words like “warsh” (wash) and “sweeper” (vacuum cleaner), or “pop” (soda).

Like this: “Before I do the warsh and run the sweeper, I’m going to have me a pop.”

When Can You Come In For A Follow Up?

I returned a call from the doctor’s office at the hospital.

“Hi, I’m returning your call.”

“Yes, when can you come in for a follow up visit?”

“Well, I live in LA so I can’t.”

“Okay.”

“…so…I can’t make a follow up visit.”

“Okay. Is Wednesday good, say 10am?”

“It’s not, I live in Los Angeles. In California.”

“How about Friday at 11am?”

“I can’t make a follow up visit. I’m not in Ohio. I was back temporarily because I ran out of money, stuff you really, really need in California. That’s the beauty of big Catholic families. Somebody always has a room.”

“O)K, neither one works. Why don’t you suggest a time?”

“I’m..saying..I..don’t..live..there..and..I can’t..come..in..ever..unless..my..plane..crashes.. into..your..fountain..someday.”

“OK, so you called us. What can I do for you?”

 

What the Hell is This BS?

I try to go to the grocery store late at night. But this time, it couldn’t be helped. So there I was at a busy grocery south of OSU right around 6pm. It was packed.

I prefer the self-checkout line. It’s usually faster. But the line was seriously backed up and starting to snake around behind the regular lanes.

An older guy in a yellow suit two people behind me had enough. He started yelling at the top of his lungs, dropping F-bombs like a WWII B-52 carpet-bombing factories.

“What the hell is this bull****??!!” he yelled. (I invite you to drop the F-bombs in there where you like. Wherever you decide to put them will be right because it was every other word.)

Now, it’s not unusual to have crazy characters yelling around this store. They congregate here.

But, this guy was off the charts.

At first, people pulled back, not knowing what he might do next. Is he insane?

He kept yelling, telling the employees what they were doing wrong, dumbfounded they had let the line get so long and that no one seemed to care.

He continued barking orders and yelling at employees as if he owned the joint.

And it was working. He was so angry and emphatic, so loud and profane, the young workers started running around to escape his wrath.

Suddenly the entire store was humming with efficiency. New cashiers appeared out of thin air to open previously closed lanes.

The lines started moving. Bags filled with groceries, machines jangled and beeped, and customers rushed out to their cars, just happy to be out of the chaos. The logjam began to loosen up.

The f***s kept coming, flying through the air before pounding the ground like thousands of hailstones bouncing off a country road during a summer storm in Texas.

He turned to me. “See, they were just being f-bomb lazy!”

“Well, your method is working. Are you in the grocery business?”

“Nah, I’m a chef.”

Something tells me he has things under control in the kitchen.

Late Night Facial Surgery

Walking the dog on a late night stroll in the Short North, we walked by the bars around 130am. Two girls came dancing out of Bar 23 ahead of their boyfriends, and went into a Fred Astaire-type dance step together south on High Street. They looked at each other and laughed as they picked up speed. The girl nearest the street turned her gaze back in front of her just as she plowed straight into a street sign pole with her face. KERRANNGGG!!! The sign shook and vibrated as her head snapped straight back.

Careful with those vodka shots, kids.

7 Things You Can’t Do Anymore in Cleveland

Sure, you used to be able to do this stuff in Cleveland. But those days are over, cowboy. Deal with it.

Surfing Lake Erie

No more getting up at the crack of dawn to ride the 20 foot curls out on Lake Erie. Progress and pollution killed that buzz.

Hang Gliding From The Terminal Tower

Ask your parents. They did it all the time. The city stopped hang gliding from tall buildings in Cleveland around 1984.

Walking Through Drew Carey’s Childhood Home Uninvited

Lots of Clevelanders remember piling into the family station wagon and driving over to Drew Carey’s childhood home. No matter the time of day or night, you could walk through and imagine what it would be like to live there.

The Downtown Ferris Wheel

In 1989, the city dismantled the famous 2000-foot tall Cleveland Rocks Ferris Wheel. Three families were discovered living in several of the cars.

Pickled Ed’s Dart Bar

How many nights did you find yourself slinging darts at Pickled Ed’s at closing time? Forget it. Pickled Ed passed in 2005, and the family sold the bar the next year.

Cleveland Fly Swatter Museum

After church, you’d take a lazy Sunday drive to the Cleveland Fly Swatter Museum and look at all the great swatters from the 1890s through the 1930s.

Donnelly’s Disco and Scar Bar

Saturday nights in the 70s meant the whole gang would head to Donnelly’s Disco to line dance and compare scars. Those good times are over.

7 Things You Can’t Do In Columbus Anymore

Man, time flies. Years ago you could do these things. But they are gone now. Let’s take a look at 7 things you can’t do in Columbus, Ohio anymore. Even if you wanted to.

 

Build Your Own Record Album Pressing Machine

Courtesy National Library of Wales via Flickr Commons
Courtesy National Library of Wales via Flickr Commons

 

Camp Out in the Middle of Ohio Stadium The Night Before Home Games

Courtesy US National Archives
Courtesy US National Archives

Create A Golf Course Made Of Paving Stones

Courtesy National Library of Wales via Flickr Commons
Courtesy National Library of Wales via Flickr Commons

 

Drag Your Mother Out of An Argument With Your Father

Courtesy National Library of Wales via Flickr Commons
Courtesy National Library of Wales via Flickr Commons

 

Design Your  Own Headstone

Courtesy National Library of Wales via Flickr Commons
Courtesy National Library of Wales via Flickr Commons

 

Make Your Own Shoes Out of Used OSU Footballs

Courtesy National Library of Wales via Flickr Commons
Courtesy National Library of Wales via Flickr Commons

 

Put Tractor Tires on School Buses

Image courtesy Gratisography

 

5 Lies Bowling Green State University Students Tell Themselves

LOC - travel - [Trinity College, Oxford, England]  (LOC) 9368711875

1. I’ve never sang “Ay Ziggy Zoomba” in the house alone.

2. The Metamorphosis Rock doesn’t scare the heck out of me.

3. I enjoy not being known at all outside the state of Ohio and southern Michigan.

4. I am going to our state of the art sports training facility to work out — I am NOT wasting the afternoon watching Netflix and eating Taco Bell.

5. I’ve never wondered why they didn’t put a Big Boy restaurant in the Student Union.

5 Ohio University Women Remember Their Craziest College Story

Five Ohio University alumnae reflect fondly on some crazy moments during their years at “Harvard on the Hocking.”

 

Ofra Schott – Boston, MA

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I was studying in the Pi Phi House when some boys from Beta Theta Pi stormed the entrance and stole a bunch of photo composites. Edna’s family owned a construction company, so we drover a crane over to the Beta house and knocked it down with a wrecking ball. Half of them slept through it.

 

Freda Geunabaum – Malmo, Sweden

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I arrived from Sweden a day before the first day of classes. Seven fellows streaked across the College Green the moment I got off the bus. I wondered if they did that for every girl.

 

Brandy Leterschauser – Lexington, KY

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A bunch of us were driving around in Atwell Fiedler’s convertible. He took the wrong way down a one-way street. A car came the other way. He hit the brakes so hard Vonn Curmi shot into the second floor window of The Greenery.

 

Dareau Merring – Columbus, OH

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My father was a major financial contributor to the school and made it so I could not go anywhere without a chaperone. One time Mary Vincelli and I snuck out and spent the whole night at the Union listening to ska bands and breathing the funny air there.

 

Jewel Basile – Cleveland, OH

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Paul Newman was in my class. He was a film major and they shot an early version of Butch Cassidy here. It was called Butch Bobcat and the Hangover Kid.

5 Lies Ohio University Students Tell Themselves

1. I’m glad my school is in the middle of nowhere. I don’t need convenient access to a variety of goods and services.

2. I love the exercise I get from walking these hills.

3. I’m glad I didn’t go to Ohio State. I really enjoy the crunching sound the cicadas here make when I walk over 17,000 of them on the way to class.

4. I never vandalized some cars in Oxford, Ohio after the Miami game that one time.

5. I’m glad I graduated early. I really wasn’t enjoying the parties here.