10 insane things Mastiffs do that show they should be in a clinic
They sometimes drool excessively, especially when they’re excited or anticipating a meal. We all get hangry, but I don’t think I’ve slobbered all over the floor walking in a restaurant because I was so tired. I’ve drooled leaving a bar, but that’s another story.
They snore loudly when they sleep. A mastiff sounds like a 747 combined with a broken coffee grinder.
They sometimes grunt or snuffle when they’re content. My old girlfriend had a mastiff whose grunting sounded like an old man trying to get off the floor after he tripped on a plushie.
They playfully plod around, wagging their tails and bumping into things. Mastiffs are big goofballs who have no idea they are bumping into everything and leaving a wave of destruction and chaos behind them.
They sometimes try to fit their large bodies into small spaces, such as a dog bed or a crate. Bro, that tiny doggie bed is for the dachshund. You have to sleep on the cardboard we laid out in the garage.
They sometimes seem to forget how big they are and try to climb into laps or onto furniture. Gee, I hope the doctor doesn’t have to amputate my legs after the mastiff sat in my lap, uninvited, cutting off the circulation immediately.
They sometimes playfully “attack” their owners by gently mouthing their hands or clothing. Yeah, that was funny when you knocked me over at the grocery store into a pile of soup cans. Hilarious!
They sometimes carry around their toys or bones in their mouth, waddling around the house. Listen, it’s cool that you found the dinosaur bone of a Tyrannosaurus Rex and it fits in your mouth, but when you walk around the house with it you break all the windows.
Mastiffs sometimes lay on their backs and wave their legs in the air when they want a belly rub. Belly rub? Why don’t YOU give ME a belly rub.
They sometimes make a series of grunts and snorts when they’re excited or happy. Gee, I know you are happy because you are grunting like a hippo trying to get out of an above ground pool in a backyard in Kentucky, but can you hold it down?
