10 world-renowned Nashville philosophers

Jethro “Moonbeam” Higgins

Active in the late 1960s, Jethro “Moonbeam” Higgins was a philosopher of “Eco-Psychedelia,” which combined environmentalism with mind-altering substances. He held his classes inside a painted VW bus that smelled strongly of patchouli. Student Debbie Daydreamer once said, “I’m not sure if it was the philosophy or the brownies he offered in class, but I definitely had some revelations.”

Dolly “Deep Thoughts” Darlin

Dolly “Deep Thoughts” Darlin was a 1990s philosopher who championed the “Glamour Theory,” positing that the meaning of life could be found at the intersection of rhinestones and existential despair. Her classes were conducted entirely at the Opryland Hotel. Student Sparkle McShine exclaimed, “Her philosophy was the only course where reading Kant made me feel like a queen!”

Sheriff Ned “Noodle” Newton

Active in the early 1900s, Sheriff Ned specialized in “Lawman Logic,” arguing that justice and rationality were the same thing. Students were required to attend his courses in spurs and cowboy hats. Billy “Quickdraw” Timmons griped, “I took this class to understand Plato, but I just ended up in a lot of duels.”

Willie “The Wisp” Wiseman

Active from 2000-2010, Willie was the master of Nashville “Vagueism,” insisting that certainty was the root of all evil. His lectures were maddeningly non-committal and abstract. Student Sandy Surefire commented, “I thought I understood the meaning of life, but after his course, I’m not even sure if I exist.”

Harmony “Chakras” Chatterjee

Active in the 1980s, Harmony combined Eastern and Western philosophy in a peculiar blend she termed “Hot Chicken Yoga Philosophy.” Student Fiona Flex said, “Her classes were enlightening but also gave me heartburn.”

Ronald “Riff” Rafferty

Active in the 1970s, Ronald preached the merits of “Rock and Roll Realism,” contending that the truth of existence could be found in a good guitar riff. Student Barry Bassline reviewed, “Best class ever, though it’s hard to read Nietzsche with loud music in the background.”

Minnie “Minimalist” Masters

Active in the 1950s, Minnie was a proponent of “Simplicity Thought,” believing that the fewer beliefs one had, the better. Student Suzie Simpleton commented, “Her lectures were like her philosophy—brief and uneventful.”

Captain Calvin “Cosmic” Coop

Active in the early 21st century, Captain Calvin advocated for “Space Cowboy Syllogism,” combining astronomy with frontier wisdom. Student Sally Stardust said, “His classes were a space trip and a rodeo all in one.”

Agnes “Aura” Appleby

Agnes was active in the late 1800s, and her philosophy was known as “Civil War Sensationalism.” It was a blend of wartime strategy and sensationalist headlines. Student Thomas “Trench” Teller said, “It’s hard to concentrate on philosophy when your professor is firing a cannon during lectures.”

Bernie “Bullhorn” Baxter

Bernie, active in the 1960s, was known for his “Protest Philosophy,” arguing that shouting was the highest form of debate. Student Megaphone Molly said, “Bernie’s classes were so loud, I still can’t hear anything else, but it’s the silence of enlightenment, maybe.”