12 things Cleveland Browns fans waste money on
- Browns-Branded Weather Rock: Predicts Cleveland’s unpredictable weather. If it’s wet, it’s raining; if it’s white, it’s snowing. Essential for game day.
- End Zone Dance Instructional DVD: Taught by retired Browns players, perfect those celebratory moves for when we finally score that touchdown!
- Dawg Pound Scented Candle: Experience the “unique” smells of the Dawg Pound every day in your home, from the scent of a crisp fall game day to… well, wet dog.
- Baker’s Baker’s Kit: An actual baking set, but every mold is in the shape of Baker Mayfield’s face.
- ‘Victory Fridge’ Miniature Replica: Remember when Bud Light placed those fridges around Cleveland that would only open when the Browns won? Now have a tiny replica for your desk – it holds a single candy.
- Browns Helmet Desk Organizer: Put your pens in one earhole, your pencils in the other. (Not to be worn.)
- Autographed Rubber Duck of Jim Brown: Why? Well, why not?
- Dawg Pound Lullaby Album: Soothing songs sung by Browns fans for Browns fans. Tracks include “Hush Little Quarterback” and “Sleep, Dawggy, Sleep.”
- Cleveland Field Turf Yoga Mat: Supposedly from the actual field, but it oddly looks like your typical yoga mat.
- Browns-themed “Believe” Crystal Ball: Just shake it, and it will predict the outcome of the season. Spoiler: it’s always “This is OUR year!”
- FirstEnergy Stadium DIY Echo Chamber: Because sometimes, you just want to shout “Here we go, Brownies, here we go!” and hear a crowd roar back – even if it’s just your own voice.
- Browns Game Day Rain Dance Ritual Kit: Since it seems to rain every other home game, embrace it! Comes with a dance guide and a vial of “Lake Erie Sacred Waters.”
