Travel and Places

5 Most Bizarre Inventions of Omaha

The Inflatable Anchor: Floating Your Boat, Literally (1949) Defying the very essence of what an anchor should be, the Inflatable Anchor was Omaha’s answer to a question nobody asked. Excellent for those moments when you want your boat to drift aimlessly, this buoyant wonder is as effective as using a sieve to carry water.

The Ejector Seat for Helicopters: Sky-High Surprise (1961) Combining the thrill of aviation with the unpredictability of sudden ejection, this Omaha invention adds an extra element of surprise to helicopter flights. Just hope you remember to duck the rotors on your way out.

The Self-Buttering Bread (2001) Invention: Bread that magically butters itself when exposed to the air. Inventor’s Comment: “Why go through the hassle of buttering your toast when it can butter itself? It’s the future, today!” User’s Comment: “I left a loaf out, and my whole kitchen turned into a buttery slip ‘n slide. Delicious, but dangerous.”

The Portable Pothole (2004) Invention: A foldable, portable pothole designed to reserve parking spaces. Inventor’s Comment: “Tired of losing your parking spot? Just unfold your Portable Pothole, and voilà – instant no-parking zone!” User’s Comment: “It was all fun and games until someone called the city to repair my fake pothole.”

The Solar-Powered Candle (2012) Invention: A candle that charges via solar power and then burns as a regular candle. Inventor’s Comment: “It combines the charm of old-world candlelight with modern solar technology!” User’s Comment: “Great until you realize you have to leave your candle in the sun all day for one romantic dinner.”

The Mood-Matching Mustache (2015) Invention: A synthetic mustache that changes color based on the wearer’s mood. Inventor’s Comment: “Now your facial hair can truly express how you feel. It’s the mood ring of mustaches!” User’s Comment: “Turns out, my mustache is just as moody as I am. It’s like wearing my heart on my upper lip.”

The Bubble Wrap Suit (1991) Invention: A full-body suit made entirely of bubble wrap, designed for both fashion and function. Inventor’s Comment: “Why merely pop bubble wrap when you can wear it? It’s fashion, it’s protection, it’s fun!” User’s Comment: “I wore it to a job interview. Didn’t get the job, but I was the most relaxed candidate in the waiting room.”

The Automatic Pet-Petter (1998) Invention: A machine with a mechanical hand that pets your cat or dog when you’re too busy. Inventor’s Comment: “Because sometimes you’re busy, but Fido still deserves some love!” User’s Comment: “My cat looked at it like it was from another planet. But it’s great for confusing the dog!”

The Edible Tape (2002) Invention: A tape made of rice paper, designed to keep burritos and sandwiches intact. Inventor’s Comment: “No more messy burrito experiences – just wrap it and snack it!” User’s Comment: “It’s like origami for food. Eating my burrito has never been more… adhesive.”

The Portable Fishbowl Helmet (2007) Invention: A fishbowl that doubles as a wearable helmet, so you can take your fish on adventures. Inventor’s Comment: “Why should fish miss out on the world? Now they can see it with you!” User’s Comment: “Took my goldfish hiking. He seemed to enjoy the view, but I got some weird looks.”

Joe Ditzel

Joe Ditzel is a keynote speaker, humor writer, and really bad golfer. You can reach him via email at [email protected] as well as Twitter, Facebook, Google+ and LinkedIn.