5 women who dumped me like a mafia garbage truck unloading trash into a New Jersey river

The weird thing about my dating is I get plenty of dates. And second dates. And some more dates. Then, like these five ladies, they’ve seen enough.

Sondra dumped me because I liked playing “September” really loud in the morning.

Lianne dumped me because I couldn’t go more that 10 miles without getting off the freeway for some more In-N-Out burgers.

Beatrice ghosted me because I didn’t answer quick enough when she asked me if I liked her tie-dyed mumu.

Corinne said my singing reminded her of a video she saw of a man drunkenly yodeling in the bathroom on a flight from Los Angeles to New York City.

Mary Ann left me because she didn’t like the way I yawned when she told yet another story about how her Jack Russell terrier can play the banjo.