5 worst bowling alleys in Savannah

Let’s talk about the five worst bowling alleys in Savannah. There are so many great ones. But wow, you get to these bad ones and things can go haywire quick.

Roof Bowling

Number one on the list is Roof Bowling. The only problem I have with Roof Bowling, located right there in the north near north side of Savannah, is the entire operation is outdoors — on the roof. Now outdoors in Savannah is not such a bad thing because it’s a moderate climate compared to much of the country. But when the rains come, they don’t care, they keep it open.

I remember being down there for bowling parties when the clouds broke, and the rains came down in buckets. We didn’t care. We danced in the rain, bowling and feeling no pain. But now that I’m older, I want to stay dry, so I’m going to have to say “no go” for Roof Bowling right here in Savannah.

Warmly Bowling Center

The next one is warm Warmly Bowling located downtown. It’s convenient if you want to get in a few lanes after work. But you might want to put on your swimsuit underneath your clothes because it’s so hot in there. I asked him to put up fans or turn on the air conditioning, He said, “No. That’s the name of the place — Warmly.”

I said, “It’s more like Overheated. I’m ready to have a heart attack.”

They didn’t listen, they like it warm. Some people like those temperatures right up there. I’m not one of them. I was down to my underwear last time. Down to my skivvies. It’s like they used to say there’s a difference between naked and Nekkid. I was NEKKID down to my Sears BVDs. I was trying to stay cool because it’s so hot in there.

Bologna Bowling

Number three in our list of the worst bowling alleys in Savannah is Bologna Bowling. I always thought they had a cool, rhythmic name: Bologna Bowling. “Hey, we’ll see you down there at Bologna!”

But the problem I have with Bologna Bowling is I don’t have my own bowling ball. It was lost in an unfortunate bar fight.

So what? Well, their bowling balls are made of baloney. Now I don’t know about you. But as I get older, I get hungrier. I think most people get less hungry as they age, I get hungrier. On more than a few occasions, I took a chomp right out of the bowling ball I was so hungry.

And shouldn’t have taken a bite of the bologna ball. I already ate. Right before that I had one of their great burgers. And the delicious fries. The scrumptious rings.

And I was STILL hungry. I started eating my own bowling ball. It’s too much. For that reason, I say no to Bologna Bowling. I gained 50 pounds there.

Goose Goose Lanes

The fourth one on my list is Goose Goose Bowling. If you’re looking for something different, you may want to give this place a try.

Here’s what happens: you pay for the lanes and get your shoes and bowling ball. As you start to roll the ball, they let out a gaggle of geese!

They charge right at you, nipping at every body part. I don’t know if you’ve ever been up close to a goose, but they’re mean. Oh, my Lord.

Now your buddies are laughing at you because you’re trying to roll a strike and meanwhile, you’re getting blood drawn for free by geese.

It IS kind of funny if you’re young and wild, but I’m old and in bed by at 430pm at the latest. I don’t need any blood taken from my body by a goose.  

Dimwitted Bowling Alley

The fifth and final of the five worst bowling alleys in Savannah, Georgia is Dimwitted Bowling. It’s also the name of the owner.

Dimwitted is out there on the far west side. It’s on the outskirts of the outskirts. A little bit in the country. You know what I mean?

Dimwitted, the owner, is a classic country boy. They play some of the best country music I’ve ever heard. They book country music. Not in the back. Not in a side room. Out near where you’re bowling.

You get LIVE country music. Unbelievable. Really good stuff. Savannah has some of the best country music in the whole USA. Everybody knows it. Everybody knows.

The difficulty I have is the owner, Dimwitted. He is the problem. He sends his nieces around taking beer orders. And then he’ll come around and say, “Did you get your beer order?”

“Yes, sir, we just ordered from your niece,” I say.

“Well, alright,” he says and not 5 minutes later he comes around again, “Did you get your beer order?”

We love the guy, but they should keep him in the office. He cannot hold on to anything in that loose-rattling brain.