5 worst grocery stores in Omaha

1. Moldy’s Market: Where Freshness is Just a Word

Moldy’s Market is infamous for its interpretation of “farm to table,” which detours through “fungus to shelf.” One customer, who prefers to remain anonymous for fear of being haunted by the spirit of expired produce, whispered, “The cheese section is actually just fine – if you’re penicillin-deficient.” In 2019, Moldy’s hosted a “Cheese Extravaganza,” where the Brie literally walked away, leading to a storewide evacuation.

2. Soggy Sam’s Supermarket: If It’s Wet, It’s on Sale

Soggy Sam’s takes pride in its aquatic approach to grocery. “I bought a bag of chips, and I swear I heard it splash,” remarked a bewildered patron, wringing out her receipt. The infamous event here was the Great Sprinkler Mishap of 2017, when a mistimed fire drill test turned the produce section into a makeshift water park, complete with floating melons and slip ‘n slide aisles.

3. Oopsie Daisy Discount Grocer: The Lottery of Expiration Dates

At Oopsie Daisy, every purchase is a gamble. “I once got a carton of eggs, and half of them already hatched,” exclaimed a regular, who now believes in spontaneous generation. The store’s low point was the 2018 “Guess the Expiration Date” game, where customers were encouraged to taste-test dubious dairy for coupons. The event was cut short when the local health department intervened.

4. Craven’s Raven Haven: Nevermore, Said the Health Inspector

Dedicated to Edgar Allan Poe, this gothic-themed grocery store is as dark and mysterious as a premature burial. One shopper, dressed as the poet himself, recited, “Quoth the raven, ‘Buy some more,’ but I saw the rats, and fled the store.” Craven’s made headlines when a live raven, meant to add ambiance, took control of the PA system, squawking specials on spoiled meat for a harrowing eight hours.

5. Bitter End Bodega: Where the Deals Have Expired, and So Have the Customers’ Patience

“The Bitter End is where you’ll find canned goods from the Cold War,” quipped a customer, examining a suspiciously rusted can of beans. The event that truly marked its place in the hall of shame was “Blackout Bingo,” where shoppers navigated the store during an unexpected power outage, using only glow sticks to find non-perishable hope among the aisles of despair.