5 worst pizza places in Baton Rouge
Slippin’ and Slidin’ Pizza Emporium
Welcome to Slippin’ and Slidin’, where the only way to get your pizza is by navigating the “pizza river” in oversized swim fins! Be prepared to dodge hungry catfish and snapping turtles as you paddle to your culinary prize. Just remember, the anchovies are particularly aggressive, so keep your wits about you!
Customer: (Waddling in with oversized swim fins) “Hey, I’m here for my pizza!”
Manager: (Wearing a scuba mask and snorkel) “Welcome to Slippin’ and Slidin’! Grab a floater and head on over to the pizza river. Your pepperoni awaits!”
Customer: “Is it safe? Those catfish look hungry!”
Manager: “Just keep your fins moving and you’ll be fine! And remember, no double-dipping in the anchovies!”
La Tour Eiffel of Pizza
Oui, oui! If you’re looking for a truly French pizza experience, look no further than La Tour Eiffel. Here, you’ll only be able to order your pizza in French, and the wait staff will perform interpretive dances while you wait. Just don’t ask for pineapple, or you’ll face a baguette duel!
Customer: (Stuttering) “Bonjour…je voudrais une pizza au pepperoni…s’il vous plait?”
Manager: (Dressed as a mime) “Ah, magnifique! Un excellent choix! Your pizza will arrive shortly, along with a complimentary baguette and accordion serenade.”
Customer: (Confused) “But I didn’t ask for a baguette…”
Manager: (Mimes eating a baguette) “No matter! It’s part of the experience! And remember, no complaining in English!”
Captain Pete’s Plundered Pizza
Ahoy, mateys! Set sail for Captain Pete’s Plundered Pizza, where the pizzas are delicious and the atmosphere is pirate-themed. Be prepared to pay your “pizza ransom” with doubloons (or cash) and enjoy a slice while dodging flying parrots and singing sea shanties. Just don’t walk the plank for refusing to eat your crusts!
Customer: “Avast, matey! I’m here to claim my pizza booty!”
Captain Pete: (Hook for a hand) “Arrrr! Welcome aboard, landlubber! What be your choice of plunder?”
Customer: “I’ll have a large pepperoni, with extra cheese and a side of grog.”
Captain Pete: “A fine choice! And for your payment, I’ll be needing 10 doubloons! Or, ye know, cash works too.”
Customer: (Hands over money) “One question, Captain. What’s with the parrots?”
Captain Pete: (Shrugs) “They be my taste testers! Don’t worry, they ain’t be bitin’.”
The Ice Cap Pizzeria
Feeling chilly? Head to The Ice Cap Pizzeria, where the ice floor makes every pizza delivery a treacherous journey. Don your ice skates and navigate the slippery slopes, dodging the occasional polar bear animatronic. Be sure to wear your thermal underwear, and maybe a helmet.
Customer: (Skating in with difficulty) “Oof, this ice is treacherous! Where’s the pizza?”
Manager: (Wearing a parka and earmuffs) “Welcome to the Ice Cap! Your pizza is just ahead, but beware the polar bear animatronic!”
Customer: “Polar bear…animatronic? What is this place?!”
Manager: “A culinary adventure, my friend! And remember, no figure skating on the tables!”
Haiku Haven
If you’re a lover of poetry and pizza in Baton Rouge, Haiku Haven is the place for you. Here, you’ll need to compose a haiku about Cajun shrimp before they’ll serve you a slice. Don’t worry if you’re not a poet extraordinaire, even a mediocre poem will get you through the door. Just avoid writing about anchovies, unless you want to end up with a plate of them instead!
Customer: (Clears throat) “A Cajun shrimp poem, eh? Here goes: Crimson claws dance, Etouffee’s spicy embrace, Pizza beckons me.”
Owner: (Sipping tea) “Hmm, not bad. Not bad at all. You may enter and enjoy your pizza.”
Customer: “Whew! That was nerve-wracking. What happens if you get a bad haiku?”
Owner: (Raises an eyebrow) “Let’s just say you might end up with a plate of anchovies instead.”
