OK, how about some Red Label then?

A sailor survived at sea on nothing but Heinz ketchup. Now Heinz is buying him a new boat.

This reminds me of the time I was shipwrecked for a year and survived on nothing but Johnnie Walker Blue Label.

So how about it, Diageo, producers of Johnnie Walker — one year supply for free?

Joe Ditzel is a keynote speaker, humor writer, and really bad golfer. You can reach him via email at [email protected] as well as Twitter, Facebook, Google+ and LinkedIn.