After latest debacle, Ticketmaster eliminate tickets completely

When the tickets went on sale for Taylor Swift‘s new concert tour, some fans had to wait hours just to get on the site. It was a complete meltdown of the ticket selling process, one that Ticketmaster has tried in vain for 40 years to fix.

“To heck with it,” said Ticketmaster president Joey “Front Row” Scarmomines of Scarsdale. “From now on we are not selling tickets at all. We’ve purchased a fleet of the best freight hauling helicopters available in the world. We are going to suspend our music acts from the helicopter and fly them around the entire city for the night. EVERYONE gets to see them. No tickets needed.”