Arizona voters urged to write their vote in the desert sand and and take a picture of it

Maricopa County Republican representatives handed out their own ball point pens to voters in last night’s election. The idea was their pens were better than the felt-tip pens provided by county election officials.

“We don’t know who manufactured those pens,” said a Republican spokesperson. “They say they are felt tip, but where the felt come from? How do we know it’s not disappearing ink that will be gone after a few hours and then marked as ineligible. These ball-points are good old American pens we made in the basement of the retirement home. Bob bought a punch of little balls and we stuffed them into these pen tops. Much better than leftist felt-tips that are ruining this country.”

As you might have already guessed, this is not the first time pens have come under the watchful eye of the Republican “pen squad.” Two years ago somebody spready a rumor that something was wrong with Sharpies provided by the county election board for voting. “I knew those Sharpies were suspect as soon as I took off the cap. They smelled funky, you know what I mean?” the spokesperson commented. “Real quick we made some American sharpies out of old bullet casings, motor oil and the caps off tire valve stems from old tractors. We can’t sit by and let godless democrats tell us what to do.”

As the polls opened yesterday, one plan was offered to get voters to not use the pens at all. “Look, just write your vote in desert sand with a stick and take a picture of it!” one official suggested. “That way these heathens can’t mess us up with their leftist pens.”

A reporter pointed out the parts used for the home-made pens all came from China. The Republican representative replied this was an example of the fake news thrown around by the Communist press in this country, packed up their table and moved behind a secure perimeter delineated by a forest of Trump flags.