BREAKING: Global breakout of everybody kung-fu fighting

(New York Informative World Press – NEW YORK CITY)

In an unprecedented and utterly bizarre turn of events, the entire world found itself engaged in synchronized kung fu fighting earlier today. The phenomenon, which lasted for a solid 10 minutes, saw everyone from toddlers to nonagenarians breaking out in martial arts moves, many of which they had never practiced before.

The pandemonium began at precisely 12:00 PM GMT when a mysterious radio wave, originating from an unknown source, began broadcasting the 1974 hit song “Kung Fu Fighting” by Carl Douglas. The song, which has been a favorite at parties and karaoke nights for decades, seemed to have a peculiar effect this time around.

Within seconds, streets, offices, schools, and even underwater research facilities witnessed spontaneous kung fu showdowns. Traffic came to a standstill as drivers and pedestrians alike leaped from their vehicles to engage in high-flying kicks and dramatic punches. World leaders, in the midst of important meetings, couldn’t resist the urge and showcased their best martial arts moves, much to the astonishment of their aides and international delegates.

Dr. Whimsy Strange, a leading expert in spontaneous choreographic phenomena, commented, “While we’ve seen instances of spontaneous dance outbreaks, like the disco fever of the ’70s, this global synchronized kung fu fighting is truly unparalleled. The combination of the song’s catchy tune and the mysterious radio waves created a perfect storm.”

Miraculously, despite the widespread martial arts melee, no serious injuries were reported. Most participants, once the song ended, found themselves out of breath, laughing, and slightly confused.

The source of the mysterious radio wave remains unknown. Authorities are investigating, but many citizens are simply chalking it up to a bit of global fun. As one local resident put it, “2023 has been a tough year. Maybe we all just needed a little kung fu break.”