Airline Considers Charging for Using Toilet
Airline considers charging for using toilet.
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Joe Ditzel
Joe Ditzel Has Some Problems
Travel and Places
Sleepy Time
Sandman takes pictures of people asleep on the train.
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Man Arrested While Walking in Los Angeles
Hidale Gustap was arrested Friday night while walking along 3rd Street near the Farmers Market in Los Angeles. Police stopped Mr. Gustap as he kneeled to re-tie his shoe. Police protocol is to stop anyone walking in Los Angeles.
“People here drive everywhere. No one walks,” a police spokesman said. “Some people run for fitness and we look past that. But anyone walking is stopped and brought in for questioning.”
“I was just testing out my new pedometer,” complained Mr. Gustap. “I hadn’t gone eight blocks when two police cars drove up on the sidewalk and nearly hit me.”
Mr. Gustap was held for several hours and then released. “We kept the pedometer for testing. It could be a trigger for an IED,” the police said.
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Bowling Bowling Opens on Las Vegas Strip
High Life Properties today opened Bowling Bowling Casino and Hotel, the newest addition to the famed Las Vegas strip. Inspired by Las Vegas institutions Circus Circus and New York New York, Bowling Bowling features a bowling theme throughout. The main hotel tower is a giant bowling pin, towering 60 stories above the desert. Guests can choose from theme rooms including “The Game Room”, “Rock and Bowl”, and “Future Bowl”.
“I suggested we have guests wear bowling shoes at all times,” laughed General Manager Ed Beerinsky. “But cooler heads prevailed and we will let you wear your normal shoes.”
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11 Hour Hostage
What would you do if you were held on a plane sitting on the tarmac for 11 hours? It happened to the webmaster at JetBlueHostage.com. Follow the link to get the full story.
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The Greatest City in the World
(This article was written just after the 9/11 tragedy.)
“Sorry about that,” a guy in a tuxedo and white scarf said after he bumped into me outside Caroline’s comedy club.
“This IS New York, right?” I asked our next cabbie.
“Yes, mon,” he said, smiling beneath a shock of dreads, showing two rows of gold and silver teeth, “the greatest city in the world.”
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Add a Quart of Triple Bock Every 5,000 Miles
I did my stand-up schtick at the Comedy Studio in Cambridge on Thursday night and I had all day Friday free. Where should I go in Boston- a city full of historical and cultural attractions- the Museum of Fine Arts, which has the most Monets outside of Paris? The New England Aquarium, home of over 7,000 aquatic animals from around the world? The John Hancock Observatory on the 60th floor of New England’s tallest building? Faneuil Hall? Freedom Trail? Beacon Hill? The Old North Church?
I went on a brewery tour.
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Casino
I just returned from a golf weekend in Vegas. The casino construction is out of control. These are some of the new casinos going up:
* Akron, Akron- inspired by the success of New York, New York, this casino is in the shape of a giant bowling alley. The slot machine handles are bowling pins. All patrons must wear bowling shoes.
* Toothless Grin Casino- the sportsbook at this casino allows you to bet on the winners of fights that break out during Hockey Night in Canada.
* The Liberace Casino- shaped like a giant piano, you can ride elevators to the revolving restaurant at the top of the candelabra.
* The Heartbreak Hotel Casino- a 20 story casino shaped like Elvis’ head. Every hour a plane load of Flying Elvis’ drop on to the front lawn.
* The Dead Pool Casino- specializes in taking bets on when celebrities will drop dead.
* The Wedding Chapel Casino- Marriage is a gamble. So why not get married right in a casino? Features a sports book where guests can take odds on the success of your union.
* The E-Trade Casino- not for the faint of heart. All gaming is done on-line. Instead of gambling on old line games like Blackjack, these new games have names like “Amazon” and “E-Bay”.
* The Dennis Rodman Casino- the roof of this casino changes colors to exactly match The Worm’s current hair color.
* The Former Child Star Casino- the main show features Dana Plato, Tina Yothers and Brandon Cruz singing a medley of theme songs form Different Strokes, Family Ties and The Courthip of Eddie’s Father.
* The Victoria’s Secret Casino- all the dealers wear Victoria’s Secret Catalog items. Except the guys- they wear Harry Conick masks.
* The Catholic Casino- the chips are different colored hosts. Do they serve alcohol? Is the Pope Catholic?
* The My Way Casino- a tribute to Vegas of the 60’s, the main floor show features animatronic characters that recreate the magic of the Rat Pack. In the casino, animatronic mobsters take card cheats into the desert where they are whacked.
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St. Louis Blues
I had an hour and a half before my connecting flight out of Lambert International Airport in St. Louis. I checked the map on the wall. There was a big red dot that said YOU ARE HERE. My gate was on the other side of the TWA terminal. I started to mosey down the hall. Maybe I’ll buy a USA TODAY. I yawned, still tired from getting up at 4am to make my 6am flight out of Hartford.
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