Dozens of major retailers went out of business in 2023
This was a tough year for retail. Many major retailers went out of business in 2023 including.
Tuesday Morning
Z Gallerie
Shoe City
Christmas Tree Shops
But that’s not all. A bunch of others called it quits including:
Glutenous Maximus: A bakery that exclusively sold gluten-free products… made to look like gluten-rich foods. Their top seller? The “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Bread” loaf.
Kale Mary: A store that only sold kale-based products, including the infamous kale toothpaste and kale deodorant. They wilted away when they tried to launch kale-based computer chips.
Socks & Stocks: A unique financial advisory service where advice was dispensed based on the pattern of socks you bought. They folded after their “Bear Market Barefoot” line failed to predict the market crash.
Leftovers Boutique: A high-end restaurant that only served leftovers from other restaurants. Closed due to a mysterious shortage of “yesterday’s sushi”.
The Invisible Pet Store: Selling exclusively invisible pets, their top product was the “Invisi-Cat”, which was just an empty, overpriced cat carrier.
Eau de Bro: A cologne store targeting men, with scents like “Gym Floor”, “Old Leather”, and “Barbecue Bliss”. They evaporated from the market after “Eau de Sock” bombed.
Cereal Killers: A breakfast joint that mixed and matched discontinued cereal brands. They crumbled after the “Fruit Loop Fiasco” of 2023.
Ye Olde USB Shoppe: Specializing in USB sticks with only 128MB of storage, for the “nostalgic technologist”. They disconnected after failing to store enough interest.
The Spandex Expandex: A clothing store for exclusively spandex outfits. They stretched themselves too thin with their “One Size Fits All… Really!” campaign.
The Awkward Turtle: A pet store specializing in animals that are notoriously hard to take care of, like sloths and platypuses. They slowly ambled out of business.
The Y2K Bug: A tech store selling only gadgets from the year 2000. They crashed faster than a Windows 98 computer.
The Dinosaur Den: A store that sold life-sized dinosaur replicas. They went extinct after their T-Rex model caused a minor traffic incident.
The Mood Ring Emporium: This store sold only mood rings. They closed when they couldn’t accurately read the mood of the market.
The Waffle Stompers: A shoe store that sold waffle-iron-patterned shoes for breakfast enthusiasts. They walked off into the sunset after syrup-related slip incidents.
The Sandman’s Emporium: A store that sold artisanal sand for people who wanted to have beach experiences at home. They drifted away after the “Sandy Bed Sheets” scandal.
The Polka Dot Polka Shop: A music store that only sold polka music, and polka-dot clothing. They folded when they couldn’t spot the trend.
The Bubble Wrap Boutique: A packaging store that only sold bubble wrap – for stress relief and packaging. Popped out of existence due to the “silent bubble wrap” fiasco.
The Flamingo Fandango: Specializing in flamingo-themed everything. They flew the coop after the “Flamingo Lawnmower” debacle.
The Lava Lamp Lounge: A store that sold exclusively lava lamps. They cooled off after the “Great Glitter Lava Lamp Leak” of 2023.
The Velvet Vortex: A clothing store with only velvet attire. They slipped out of fashion after the summer heatwave dubbed “The Great Sweat”.
The Tofu Emporium: A grocery store selling only tofu in various disguises. They crumbled after the “Tofu Turkey” Thanksgiving incident.
The Corduroy Consortium: Specializing in all things corduroy. They couldn’t make enough noise in the market and quietly zipped up shop.
The Jigsaw Jamboree: A puzzle shop that only sold 10,000+ piece jigsaw puzzles. They scattered after too many lost pieces complaints.
The Mustache Mercantile: A store selling mustache grooming kits and accessories. They shaved off their presence after the “Beard Boom”.
The Disco Ball Bazaar: Selling only disco balls and disco-era paraphernalia. They spun out of business when their “Saturday Night Fever” revival failed.
