I’m Sorry, Sir, We Don’t Have Your Order

Walking into the fast food joint, I looked at the line and sighed.

Wait a second, you fancy yourself a techie guy, download their mobile app!

Of course.

I downloaded it and placed my order faster than Gloria Allred rushing toward a TV camera.

Ahhhh, I said, as I relaxed off to the side on a bench, reading Reddit on my phone.

This is the life. No standing in line for me.

I sauntered over to the pickiup area a little before my estimated wait time.

This is great!

I opened Reddit and started reading.

One of my many problems is I get lost in my phone. I looked up.

How long was I reading Reddit?

Workers scurried behind the counter. I moved right up next to the pick-up counter.

“Hi, I’m WaitingForMyAvocadoBurrito,” I said to a worker speeding by, mashing the words together to get the sentence out before they disappeared again in the machines, shelves and ovens in the bowels of the kitchen.

Nothing.

Another worker came by, I spoke louder, “Hi, I don’t see my BURRITO!”

She glanced at me with a quizzical look as she wheeled past.

Nothing.

I stretched my body over the pick-up counter, as if stretching to see a penny on the floor on the other side, “I don’t SEE MY BURRITO! I DON’T see my burrito!”

Finally, the cashier came over, “Sir, you can’t lay on the counter.”

“Where is my burrito?” I said quickly.

“I never placed your order,” she said.

“I know, it’s right here,” I said, flashing the order on the app. It says it was ready many minutes ago!”

She looked at my phone, back at me and back at my phone.

She disappeared in the back.

Another young person came out. He said, “Sir, we don’t have your order.”

“I know you don’t. Because if you had it, I’d have it.”

“When did you place it?” he said.

“It’s right there on the app. Come on, guys.”

“You mean you placed a order on the app and came in to pick it up?”

“YES!” I said, smiling with delight that I was breaking through.

He came back with a bag.

“It was over by the drive-though window sitting off to the side.”

“No one thought to check over there? I’ve been laying on top of your pick-up counter in a sleeping bag for 20 minutes!”

“Sorry, dude. No one ever comes inside when ordering from the app.”

“OK, but the window is 10 feet over there and no one thought it might be there?”

“Sorry, dude.”

“No free fries for the hassle?”

“I’d have to have a meeting with my managers to clear it,” he said. “One just left to eat lunch at Denny’s, the other is on the phone with their bookie, and the third one went to the hardware store before they close.”

“Get the fries next time,” he said brightly. “You can place it on the app!”