Starbucks Won’t Accept Bitcoin

Starbucks announced recently they will not be accepting Bitcoin, the popular cryptocurrency, as legitimate payment for food and drink items.

“We’ve decided against allowing Bitcoin,” a company spokesperson said in a press conference. “Instead, we’ll be promoting our own cryptocurrency called Pequod. The name comes from “Moby Dick,” and represents a new era in alternative payments.”

One customer responded to the news while smoking a blunt. “Pequod? Cool, brother. I like it….what was it again?”

“Pequod. It’s their new money,” a bystander explained.

“I knew it!” the smoking man said. “I knew Starbucks would replace our money some day.”