Life Expectancy Drops in America for Third Year in a Row – Experts Blame “Jersey Shore – Family Vacation”

For the third year in a row, life expectancy has dropped in the United States. Among a host of reasons, researchers point to “Jersey Shore – Family Vacation,” a reality TV show starring seven of the original cast members of the first series.

“Our research indicates that that ‘Jersey Shore – Family Vacation’ has a negative effect on life expectancy due to Mike’s legal issues, Vinny’s vacillating on cheating, Ronnie and Deena’s clashes, and Pauly D being Pauly D. All of these factors add up to increased health risks for viewers,” said Dr. Sandy Pants, the lead scientist on the project.

“This is especially true when you add in Snooki and JWoww trying to find the magic of 2010 again. It’s hard on your heart, lung capacity, brain synapses and visual learning cues. We recommend watching this show with extreme caution. If you have any breathing problems, call your medical professional immediately,” said Pants.