Lousy cook beats back hooligan horde with baked potato grenades

I followed directions in this video on how to cook baked potatoes exactly and cooked them for 45 minutes. 45 minutes? Well, they must know what they are talking about. I took them out and cooled them just as police sirens started to sound. Some hooligans were celebrating a big soccer win and were roaming my neighborhood, smashing windows and vandalizing cars. I took the 12 potatoes I cooked and realized after 45 minutes they were rock hard. I ran out to the porch and took cover behind a chair and started beating back the hooligan onslaught.

I took out four of them right in row with the great pitching technique I learned in the Yankees farm program before I was cut and started selling insurance. The local newspaper featured me on the front page with a cool photo and the headline, “Lousy Cook Beats Back Hooligan Horde With Baked Potato Grenades.” I think they sort of oversold my heroism — I just wanted them off my lawn.