Mark Zuckerberg is on a “campaign for cool”

Some people say Mark Zuckerberg is trying to keep up with Elon Musk in being looked at as an innovator and “cool guy.”

He appeared on the cool Joe Rogan podcast, showed us some cool martial arts moves he practices at home, and accepted Musk’s challenge to a cool Octagon-style fight sometime in the future. He’s doing everything he can to be considered cool. In fact, he even went as far as to create a new social media platform called “Coolster” that he hopes will be the next big thing.

Coolster is different than Twitter. There are several things that stand out immediately” The platform has a unique algorithm that prioritizes posts based on how “cool” they are deemed by other users. The more “cool” reactions a post receives, the higher it appears in a user’s feed. And third, Coolster has a feature called “Challenge,” where users can challenge each other to complete cool tasks and earn points.

You can also enter several “cool” challenges. Every Friday they stage a competition to jump a motorcycle over the Snake River Canyon in Idaho. But don’t worry, if you miss, the far side of the canyon is covered in marshmallows and cupcakes.

Every summer Mark plans to stage “The Coolster Games,” to be held on a private island in the Bahamas that Zuckerberg will rent out for the occasion. The island is outfitted with all sorts of cool challenges, from a zip line that goes over a shark-infested lagoon to a bungee jump over a volcano.

But it’s not all death-defying feats that make you cool. It’s all about your look. So Mark is launching a series of fashion shows around the world featuring his cool designs. Some of the more advanced fashions include neon jumpsuits that can change colors based on your mood and a jacket that can transform into a backpack for ultimate convenience.

Perhaps the fashion item that is getting the most buzz is the Facebook Watch which tracks your coolness level in real time. Then you can initiate a multi-hologram feature that lets you appear in many cool locales around the world at the same time — New York, Milan and Ibiza. Well, maybe it’s not YOU but when you are accepted by the world’s cool elite, your hologram gets behind the ropes no questions asked.

The next thing Mark Zuckerberg has planned is Facebook Interstallar Tours. You and your friends will tour Mars, Venus, and if your budget it tight, the moon. Once you land on Mars, you’ll stay at the new Facebook Martian Motel.

It features state-of-the-art technology and luxury amenities, including zero gravity beds and a virtual reality entertainment system. But the truly cool part? The Martian Motel has a secret underground tunnel that leads to an exclusive underground club, where only the coolest people on the planet are allowed inside. The hostess is names Arela Hugonton, one of the most popular personalities among the Martian residents Zuckerberg conquered when he invaded Mars back in the olden times.

That was a different era. We didn’t know if Mars actually had alien communities. Asked how he discovered intelligent life there, Mark explained, “Well, it was actually through Coolster. One day, I received a message from a user claiming to be from Mars. At first, I thought it was a prank, but after some investigation, it turned out to be true. They had been observing us for some time and were fascinated by our concept of “coolness.”

So, naturally, I had to go and meet them. When I arrived on Mars, I was greeted by Arela Hugonton, who took me to meet the leaders of their community. It was like nothing I had ever seen before. Their technology was far superior to ours, and they had developed a way to harness the power of the sun to create energy. I was blown away.

But what really impressed me was their sense of style. They had a unique fashion sense that was unlike anything I had ever seen before. They had these flowing garments that shimmered in the light and changed colors depending on the mood of the wearer.

They had unique domestic animals including the Froglog and the Sphinia. The Froglog species is known for its ability to communicate telepathically and even predict the weather, while the Sphinia were used for transportation and could glide through the thin Martian atmosphere with ease. Martians ride their backs when they need to take a short trip.

So, naturally, Mark began building a Facebook Motel shaped like his head. His eyeball is the main pool. You can rent special machines similar to motorcycles called Histars. “They fit one person comfortable and can accommodate up to 12,” Mark said excitedly. “They expand when you push a button. You can take the whole family for a picnic and be home in a jiffy.”

Wow. Mark Zuckerberg IS a cool guy. I don’t know about you, but riding magic motorcycles all over Mars sounds cool to me.