Ohio To Move Cincinnati 175 Miles North to Battle Climate Change

The state of Ohio plans to move the entire city of Cincinnati 175 miles north to battle rising temperatures due to climate change.  It will be relocated between Columbus and Cleveland, creating a super-metropolis of the state’s major cities.

“It’s been getting extra hot around here,” said Cincinnati mayor Tom Hotunderthecollar. “By moving the city to the northern half of the state, we’ll cool off at least 20 to 30 degrees. Let’s face it, for all intents and purposes, Cincinnati is really in the South at this point, and we all know the South has 120 percent humidity and 135 degree average temperature. It’s too much. We want to be up near Cleveland where things run cold, especially the Browns.”

State officials said moving the city would take  30 to 40 years and cost 500 trillion dollars.