PGA Players Threaten Violence Unless Bryson DeChambeau Picks Up the Pace

Bryson DeChambeau’s slow play is getting on lots of last nerves at the 2019 Northern Trust Open in Jersey City.

At one point he paced off a 70-yard shot.

The whole shot took three minutes to complete.

On the eighth hole, he read a putt for birdie for eternity before missing.

Other players were OUTRAGED:

“Are you kidding!!!” one tweeted: “I have to get home to replace my engine in a $2 million Lamborghini! I DON’T HAVE TIME FOR THIS!”

One high profile European player tweeted: “COME ON @PGATOUR! THIS IS ON YOU! Start DQing these players! DQ! DQ! DQ! DQ! DQ! DQ! DQ! DQ!”

Another player even threatened to break every one of DeChambeau’s clubs. “I don’t care if his clubs are all the same length. Nice gimmick, but I’m going to snap them all. My dog could play faster.”

Later in the press room, DeChambeau addressed the complaints from fellow pros.

“I’m sorry guys, but this is my process. I need to take my time. See. I went to SMU. Things are a little slower down in the Lone Star State. Hell, one time I made a pitcher of sweet tea last an entire golf season. I would take one sip a day and spend the rest of the day telling everyone how good it tasted. ‘Dang, that’s the best sweet tea I’ve ever had!’ I’d say to the cashier at the grocery store.

Well, see there you go. I just can’t get all riled up around Yankees and other people ’bout to have a heart attack at the age of 27. I’m fixin’ to live to be 97, all tellin’. So you just tell them other pros I’m doing them all a favor by slowing them down a might. Life is short, goshaken. Let’s enjoy it and win some tournaments.”