Singapore Laws and Punishments You Won’t Believe

A friend of mine just got back from Singapore. He said, “Brace yourself. This will blow you away. An average American car costs more than $100,000 here because it is an island and they don’t have a lot of room. Plus you can’t own a car over 10 years old.”

“Eh, what?”

“True. AND rent is crazy high, some of the highest in the world. BUT personal tax rates are low, and they are great at helping you start and build a business.”

“The laws are strict, right? Caning?” I asked.

“Yeah,” he said. “Very strict. For example, you might get a public beating if you are caught drunk in public and acting the fool.”

“So a lot of University of Texas students would be in trouble there?” I said.

“Haha, funny! They are serious about law and order. You’ll get fined for smoking indoors or spitting on the sidewalk.”

“Well, now you the students from Arkansas are in trouble.”

“Stop with the bad jokes,” he warned.

Honestly, I couldn’t believe Singapore was this tough on law breakers, so I did some research, meaning I looked it up on Wikipedia, and sure enough my friend is not fibbing.

Here are some of the other amazing punishments you might endure if you skirt the law in Singapore:

-Singing songs from “Mama Mia” loudly in a business district. Penalty: $2,000 USD fine and prohibited from smiling or laughing for no reason for 2 years.

-Correcting people’s grammar and spelling on Facebook and Twitter. Penalty: 2 years without internet. Also 1 year working as a substitute teacher.

-Not turning right on red when able to do so and no cars are coming and cars are behind you. Penalty: Must move to Indonesia for 3 years where traffic is so bad people drive on the sidewalk.

-Not cleaning up after your dog. Penalty: Must work for 18 months for a company that cleans portable toilets at music festivals and city parks.

-Loud talking into cell phone on public transportation. Penalty: For 12 months, your cell phone is taken away and duct tape is applied to your mouth anytime you leave home.

-Playing TV so loud neighbors can hear it. Penalty: TV is thrown out window where it smashed into a million pieces on the ground. Only entertainment allowed in your home is a local improv group working on their long-form scene work.

-Riding an electric scooter all over the road and sidewalk with no regard to traffic laws. Penalty: Scooter privilege revoked. Must sit and watch 1970s videos about traffic safety for a total of 100 hours within 2 months.

-Working as a cashier and you hand people their change on top of the receipt so the coins slide off on the floor. Penalty: 1 year working in coin factory wrapping same-denomination coins in paper sleeves by hand while being flogged by wet Mononoply money.

-Being consistently wrong at your job as a weatherperson on the local news. Penalty: Must lay outside completely nude in the scorching sun on days you said it would be mostly cloudy with a chance of rain all day.