Some of my clothes are so old they were trendy 25 Madonna facelifts ago

Here are some bad jokes about my the old clothes I can’t part with:

Some of the clothes in my closet are so old, they’ve started to apply for historical landmark status.

You know, some of the clothes in my closet are so ancient, moths ignore them out of respect.

I’ve got outfits in my closet so old, the fashion police issued them an amnesty.

There are items in my wardrobe so dated, archaeologists called dibs.

Some of my clothes are so old, they remember when the ‘cool’ color was beige.

A few pieces in my closet are so ancient, they’re on a first-name basis with dinosaurs.

There’s this shirt in my closet so old, it’s started giving me life advice.

I found a pair of pants so old in my closet, they came with a scroll instead of a care label.

Some of my clothes are so vintage, they’ve circled back to being in style, then out, then in again.

I’ve got a jacket so old, it’s technically a family heirloom now. It’s been passed down through the generations—mostly out of pity.

Some of the clothes in my closet are so old, I found a picture of me wearing them at Abraham Lincoln’s inauguration.

Some of the clothes in my closet are so old, I found a cave painting of me lending a fur coat to a shivering Neanderthal.

I’ve got a jacket so ancient, there’s a scroll of me wearing it while giving fashion advice to Julius Caesar.

There’s a pair of sandals in my closet so old, I found a mosaic of me kicking a ball with Cleopatra.

My favorite coat is so vintage, I discovered a letter from Joan of Arc thanking me for letting her borrow it for a battle.

I found a hat in my closet so old, there’s a woodcut of me discussing hat brim sizes with Leonardo da Vinci.

Some of my robes are so dated, I stumbled upon a tapestry of me wearing them at King Arthur’s round table.

There’s this pair of pants in my wardrobe so ancient, I found a sonnet Shakespeare wrote about them, mocking my fashion sense.

I’ve got a scarf so old, there’s a portrait of me wearing it while teaching Queen Elizabeth I how to make a TikTok.

Some of the clothes in my closet are so vintage, I found a daguerreotype of me showing Napoleon how to properly wear a ski jacket.

I own a pair of boots so old, there’s a journal entry from Lewis and Clark asking me for tips on wilderness chic.