Starbucks Braces For Layoffs

A new era of leadership at coffee giant Starbucks is making some hard decisions. Word is out there will be a series of layoffs to make the company leaner and more adaptable to changing market conditions.

The changes come in response to lackluster sales for several menu items including “Red Bull Shake-My Innards Macchiato,” “Cannabis/Licorice Tazo Tea Blend,” and “Baloney Rolls with Curry Powder secured by Toothpicks.”

In addition, the company will close dozens of underperforming stores, including experimental locations at the top of a parking deck, inside a US Navy submarine and midway along a high-wire “slackline” stretched across a chasm in the Andes mountains.