Joe Ditzel

Joe Ditzel Has Some Problems

Health

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Joe Ditzel

How To Overcome A New Year’s Eve Hangover

Dancing Machine. That's what they called you at the New Year's Eve Party. You broke out every move in your arsenal. It was all fun and games until you crashed into the buffet table and took out the prime rib station.

Once again you over-indulged and you have a hangover on New Year's Day. Here are several ways to over come your throbbing headache:

1. Stick your head in the commode and constantly flush the water around your head. Pretend you are on holiday at a water park with your friends. This tip is convenient because you are probably already sitting next to the commode.

2. Sign up for an adventure cruise on a sailboat. Climb the mast. Tie a rope to your feet and dangle from the mast. Let the wind and breeze relax your throbbing temples.

3. Go to the convenience store and take a nap on the bags of party ice. You can also be helpful by handing out bags when customers need them.

4. Go through a car wash with the windows down. Really stick your head in the brush when it comes by and sing a tune. The singing and brushing will soothe your head.

5. Ride your bike real fast with your legs stuck out in front of you while making motorcycle sounds. Pump your wrist like it is a motorcycle accelerator. Stitch a motorcycle gang logo on your back and get some tattoos. By the time you've finished with these tasks the hangover will be gone.

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Health
Joe Ditzel

Letting Go

Why do I look like Tommy Lasorda? Why is it so hard to lose weight? Because our society encourages us to eat too much. I went to a movie last week and I saw a sign behind the concession that said, “FREE REFILL ON 130 OUNCE COKES.” I like Coke, but the last thing I want after 130 ounces of Coke is another 130 ounces of Coke! Hey, can you show the movie in the men’s room because that’s where I’ll be for two hours.

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Sports
Joe Ditzel

Sports Joke: Mental Health Lecture

The psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on mental health and had proceeded to give an oral quiz to the freshman class.

Speaking specifically about manic depression, the instructor asked, “How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?”

A young man in the rear of the room raised his hand and answered, “A basketball coach?”

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Joe
Joe Ditzel

Back to Pain

 

I woke up and felt the pain in my back immediately. What am I doing in my sleep that my lower back muscles tighten up like security outside Pamela Anderson’s dressing room?  I get this weird lower back lock every once in a while so it felt familiar. From experience I knew that there was really little I could do – it takes 5 to 14 days to work itself out.  But I went online anyway for a miracle cure and I may have found it- tennis balls:

http://saveyourself.ca/articles/tennis-ball.php

I put a tennis ball on the ground and laid my back on it and rolled around. Wow! It felt great and my back was back in shape in two days.

By the way, what is The Kong Dog Toy? Sounds like a punk band from China.

If you have a bad back, try the tennis ball thing.

And here is an inside secret I developed- take a racquetball with you in the car and lean your back against it.  Instant massage- For 3 bucks at Walmart for a sleeve of 3 racquetballs.

If you really get into this tennis ball massage therapy you might want to make this:

http://www.instructables.com/id/Tennis-Ball-Chair/

Or even this:

http://gizmodo.com/278729/tennis-balls-make-ballsy-benches

Let me know if you do.

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