I played the message again.
“Hello, yes, this is John Wanker. I have just read your humor article entitled “Through the Nose”. I am informing you that I own a company called Through the Nose. Your title is infringing on my trademark.”
What? This guy has a company called Through the Nose and the title of my humor column is infringing on his trademark?
It’s getting so you can’t use common words and phrases without violating some creep’s trademark. First the dot coms took over the language because you can’t start a web-site with a cool dot com name. And all those are snapped up by cyber-squatters.
Now everyday words violate a trademark.
I guess I have to eliminate these potential titles then:
Pass the Salt Please
I Took Three of Them
Take A Little Off the Sides
Do You Have This in Size 10?
Move Your Ass, This is the Passing Lane!
Thank You for Seating Us Near the Kitchen
No, It Fits Fine, I’m Returning It Because It Is Ugly
Are You Going To Eat That?
The Green is 110 Yards Away, I’d Use Your Driver
What Is It Going to Take to Put You In This Car Today?
You’ll Like Her, She Looks Like Mariah Carey
65? Are You Sure This A School Zone?
I Didn’t Vote For Him
Its Three Hours Long Which is 2 ½ Hours Too Much
He’s Dumb, But He Can Sure Hunt Ducks
That Toupee is Natural
This Model Has Ocean Views
I’m A Really Good Cook
The Cops Over There Are Really Redneck
Again?
You Better Run, You Punks!
No, It Looks Really Good On You
This Will Last Forever
You Have Got To Be Kidding
And let’s don’t forget:
I Always Hated Your Family
And
Get Down Off Of There!
My guess is that very soon people will get copyrights not just for common words, but for common sounds. Every time you eat delicious food and say, “Mmmmmmmm”, you will be violating the copyright of the Mmmmmmm company of Tulsa.
If you make fake explosion noises like “Kerperssch” you will get an angry call from the Kerperssch company based in Auckland.
Have you ever started to sneeze and then burped at the same time? It sounds kind of like,”AaaaaaahaaaaBUUURRRPPPPP!”
Well, get out your checkbook. You owe royalty money to the owner of the sneeze-burp trademark- the AaaaaaahaaaaBUUURRRPPPPP company headquartered in Akron.
You don’t want to see their logo.
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