The bank robbing alpacas of Tokyo

Buddy and Tracie, two alpacas, stepped out of the petting zoo in Tokyo and onto the streets in the morning. The zoo lets them roam free each day to get exercise and promote the zoo.

The sky was a deep, rich blue, brightening to a gleaming azure as the sun rose. They walked down a narrow street, their hooves clip-clopping against the pavement. A faint scent of freshly-brewed coffee and the sweet song of birds filled the air.

As they trotted along, the two alpacas noticed the humans they crossed paths with. Some of them stopped in their tracks, eyes wide in awe. Others walked by, hardly batting an eye. Some even greeted them, smiling warmly and bowing respectfully.

Tracie nudged Buddy with her nose. “They’re so friendly,” she said.

Buddy gave a soft grunt in agreement.

Eventually, they found themselves in the busy marketplace, smells of fresh fruits and vegetables and the sounds of merchants’ haggling filling the air. Tracie found a small apple that had fallen from one of the stalls and gave it to Buddy. He quickly devoured it, the sweet juice running down his beard.

They made their way through the bustling marketplace, watching as people met and exchanged goods. They even encountered a few other animals—a grey cat, an orange-breasted parakeet, and a small turtle. The turtle seemed especially interested in them, plodding alongside them for a while.

As they continued, Tracie and Buddy came to a bridge that spanned a small river. They stopped, taking in the beautiful view. The river ran swiftly and a few boats bobbed on its surface. Some of the boats held people fishing, while others held a single passenger, their eyes closed in meditation.

On the opposite bank, they could make out the outline of a temple, its grandeur illuminated by the golden sunlight. It seemed to be beckoning them to cross the bridge.

Tracie and Buddy glanced at each other, eyes filled with anticipation. They took off, their hooves clopping against the bridge as they galloped. When they reached the other side, they stopped to catch their breath.

The temple held a mysterious air, and the two alpacas felt right at home. They explored the grounds, admiring the intricate carvings on the temple’s walls and the large stone statues that stood guard around its perimeter.

Then, a loud noise caught their attention—the sound of a wooden flute being played. Buddy’s ears perked up, and he led Tracie to investigate.

They followed the music to the back of the temple, where a small figure sat in the shadow of a tree. It was a young woman, her face obscured by a white scarf, playing the flute. Her haunting tune filled the air, creating an almost magical atmosphere.

Buddy and Tracie stopped, spellbound by the music, and the mysterious musician. After a few minutes, the flute fell silent. The woman looked up, her eyes sparkling.

“Welcome,” she said. “You must be the alpacas from the petting zoo.”

Buddy said, “Yes, we are. We need your help. We plan to rob a bank here in Tokyo and we need you to create a diversion. We will cut you in for ten percent. Interested?”

The woman narrowed her eyes, clearly taken aback by Buddy’s unexpected proposal. “I’m sorry, but that’s not something I’m interested in,” she replied firmly.

Buddy and Tracie exchanged a worried glance. They had been planning this heist for weeks, and without a diversion, they stood little chance of succeeding.

Desperate for a solution, Buddy stepped forward. “Please, we’ll make it worth your while,” he pleaded. “We just need someone to cause a distraction while we rob the bank. It’s our only chance.”

The woman sighed and shook her head. “I can’t help you with something like that,” she said. “But…I may know someone who can.”

Buddy’s ears perked up with hope. “Who?” he asked eagerly.

“There is a man who lives by the river, a few miles from here,” she replied cryptically. “He’s…not the easiest person to deal with, but he has a knack for causing a scene. He might be able to help you.”

Tracie and Buddy exchanged a look of relief, grateful for any help they could find. “Thank you,” Tracie said. “Can you tell us how to find him?”

The woman nodded, rising to her feet. “Follow the river downstream, and you’ll come across a small village. Ask around for the man by the river, and they’ll point you in the right direction.”

Buddy and Tracie thanked her profusely before setting off down the riverbank once again. As they walked, they couldn’t help but feel a sense of unease. The woman’s warning about the man by the river had not gone unnoticed, and they knew they were walking into dangerous territory.

But their need for a distraction outweighed their fear, and they continued on until they reached the small village. They asked around for the man by the river and eventually found themselves on the outskirts of town.

There, they came across an old, rundown shack with a single figure sitting out front. He was an elderly man, his face weathered and gnarled like the roots of a tree. He wore a patchwork coat and a large hat that partially obscured his face.

Buddy and Tracie approached the man tentatively, wary of his appearance. “Excuse us,” Tracie said, “but are you the man by the river?”

The old man looked up at them with wise eyes. “I am,” he replied gruffly. “What do you want?”

Buddy stepped forward, his voice low. “We need your help,” he said. “We’re planning a bank heist, and we need someone to create a diversion so we can get in and out undetected.”

The man eyed them carefully, his expression unreadable. “And what do I get in return?” he asked.

Buddy hesitated for a moment before answering. “Ten percent of the take,” he said, hoping it would be enough to persuade the man.

The man chuckled, his dry laughter echoing off the nearby trees. “Ten percent?” he repeated, shaking his head. “That’s not nearly enough, my fine alpaca friends. I’m a man with expensive tastes.”

Tracie and Buddy exchanged a worried glance. After much haggling, they finally settled on a deal—fifteen percent of the take in exchange for the man’s help. The man stood up, stretching his creaky limbs. “Alright,” he said, “let’s get to work. You two follow me.”

He led them down a narrow path that wound through the forest and eventually emerged onto a clearing.

“Here’s how it will work,” the man said. “My heavy metal band will play a medley of Black Sabbath hits in front of the bank. The noise will cover the explosives you’ll use to blow a hole in the vault door. When the police try to run in, our cables will trip their feet. In addition, we will run around like rock stars to interrupt their entry. That will give you time to sneak out the back. Use our van to make your escape. With my take, I’ll buy a new van an equipment for the boys.”

The day of the heist came. The alpacas carried their explosives and other tools on their backs. They went for their morning stroll and rounded the corner by the bank. As they came into sight, the man with the heavy metal band said, “One, two, …” and the guitarist unleashed a screeching wall of sound. Seconds later, the drummer jumped in the song, flailing like a man possessed by the devil. People walking through the streets covered their ears.

The alpacas jumped over the equipment and into the bank. It was dark, illuminated only by emergency lights. Buddy and Tracie made their way to the vault, their hooves silent against the carpeted floors. They set up the explosives and lit the fuses before retreating to a safe distance.

Outside, the heavy metal band played on. The loud music and flashy performance drew a crowd of curious onlookers, giving the alpacas cover to complete their heist.

Minutes later, there was a deafening explosion as the vault door blew open. Buddy and Tracie rushed in, grabbing as much cash as they could carry before making their way out the back door.

They ran towards the waiting van, their hearts pounding with excitement and fear. The driver revved the engine, ready to make a quick getaway.

As they piled into the back, Buddy turned to look at the bank. The heavy metal band was still playing and now people were dancing in the streets.

He said, “You know, Tracie, I’m a big Black Sabbath fan. What do you say we go back for a few songs, maybe drink a couple beers? What do say?”

Tracie looked at Buddy incredulously. “Are you out of your mind?” she asked. “We just committed a huge heist and you want to go back to the scene of the crime to listen to heavy metal music? We need to get out of here before the police show up!”

Buddy shrugged, unfazed by her words. “Come on, Tracie,” he said. “It’s not like we can’t spare a few minutes for some good music and a cold beer. The police won’t be here for a while anyway.”

Tracie sighed, knowing that arguing with Buddy was pointless. She begrudgingly followed him out of the van and back towards the bank.

As they approached the heavy metal band, they were greeted with cheers and applause from the crowd. The lead singer, a tall man with wild hair and a leather jacket, spotted them and motioned them over.

“Hey there, alpacas!” he yelled over the music. “You guys were great! Folks, let hear it for our bank robbers! Give them a hand!” Smiling and waving, Buddy and Tracie raised their hands in victory. Four police officers came up behind them, grabbed their wrists and handcuffed them.

The captain said, “Just so you know, the whole band is undercover agents. We knew the whole time. You are going away for a long time.”

“Bro, we live in a petting zoo. What’s the difference?” Tracie said.