Those are shorts, that’s a thong

When it comes to men’s shorts, there are many different lengths to choose from, each with its own unique style and look. From calf length to way too short, there are a variety of options when it comes to men’s shorts. This article will explore the different lengths of men’s shorts and who usually wears them.

Calf-Length Shorts

Calf-length shorts are the longest men’s shorts on the market, reaching just above the knee. These shorts are perfect for outdoor activities such as hiking, fishing, and camping, as they provide coverage and protection from the elements. They are also the most professional looking of men’s shorts, making them a popular choice for business casual wear. Calf length shorts are most commonly seen on professional athletes, outdoorsmen, and business professionals.

But for most men, they just look goofy. Kyle Fashionsenseta, a local fashion designer and bungy-jumping enthusiast, explains, “Most guys, and by that I mean all guys should not be wearing these shorts. They look like capri pants.”

However, there was one man who didn’t care about the opinions of others when it came to his fashion choices. His name was Marcus, and he loved his calf-length shorts. He wore them everywhere, from the office to the beach, and he always felt confident and comfortable in them.

One day, Marcus was walking down the street in his calf-length shorts when he caught the eye of a stunning woman. She smiled at him, and he knew he had to talk to her. As he approached her, he could see that she was wearing a similar pair of shorts, and he knew it was fate.

They struck up a conversation, and Marcus learned that her name was Jessica, and she was a professional adventurer. They talked for hours about their shared love of the outdoors, and before he knew it, Marcus had asked her out on a date.

Then she looked down at his capri shorts and said, “Nah, I don’t guys that look like they are ready to go shopping at the Farmer’s Market.”

Below-Knee Shorts

Below-knee shorts are shorter than calf-length shorts, reaching just below the knee. These shorts are often paired with a polo shirt and loafers for a semi-casual look. They are great for warm days when you want to stay comfortable and cool without sacrificing too much coverage. These shorts are popular among golfers, tennis players, and other outdoor sports enthusiasts.

“There is one major problem with below-knee shorts,” Kyle Fashionsenseta said. “If you want to look stylish and masculine, you need to steer clear of below-knee shorts. The length just doesn’t work for most men’s body types and ends up making them look shorter and frumpier.”

Instead, Kyle recommends opting for long pants. “Don’t even wear shorts if you are going for this look. Just wear long pants and tell people you burn easily.”

Above-Knee Shorts

Above-knee shorts are the most popular type of men’s shorts, reaching just above the knee. These shorts are versatile and can be dressed up or down depending on the occasion. They are a favorite among athletes and outdoor enthusiasts, as they provide plenty of movement and comfort while still providing good coverage. Above knee shorts are also a popular choice for a casual look, especially when paired with a graphic t-shirt and sneakers.

“Sure,” Kyle said. These are the most popular. Until you sit down. Then they ride up your thigh like a bear climbing a tree to get some honey in a beehive.

Mid-Thigh Shorts

Mid-thigh shorts are shorter than above-knee shorts, reaching just above the mid-thigh. These shorts are a good option for those who want to show off their legs but still at a modest level. They are also a popular choice for beach and pool days, as they provide good coverage and still allow you to stay cool in the heat. Mid-thigh shorts are often seen on athletes such as cyclists, runners, and football players, as well as beach-goers and pool loungers.

Kyle said, “I knew a guy named Josh who loved rocking these old school mid-thigh shorts. It was bad. He looked like he was stuck in the 70s and not in a good way. The style just does not work in modern times.”

But despite Kyle’s criticism, Josh loved the look. He was a lifeguard at the local pool. He had a perfect tan and a lean, muscular physique that he loved to show off in his mid-thigh shorts.

One day, as he was overseeing the pool, he noticed a woman sitting on the edge with her feet in the water. She had curly hair and a bright smile, and Josh was instantly drawn to her.

He walked over to her, feeling confident and carefree in his mid-thigh shorts. “Hey there,” he said, flashing a charming smile. “What brings you to our little oasis?”

The woman giggled and introduced herself as Sarah. She said, “We were just taking bets on how long you stand in front of the mirror checking yourself out wearing those ridiculous shorts.”

“Uh, okay?” Josh said and walked away.

Way-Too-Short Shorts

Way too short shorts, as the name implies, are the shortest of all the men’s shorts. These shorts reach the upper thigh and are often paired with a graphic t-shirt or tank top for a very casual, yet provocative, look. These types of shorts are not for everyone and are usually worn by young men in their teens and twenties.

Kyle was not kind when he discussed this look. “These are not shorts. These are thongs! Only Borat should wear thongs. For the rest of the male population, steer clear.”

Kyle said this look offers no protection from the elements. He told the story of the guy on the bus in way-to-short shorts. The guy’s butt-sweat made him stick to the seat. He couldn’t get up and missed his stop. Then the city couldn’t pry him off the seat. So, they just left him there and brought him meals. But they do let him ride for free.

Conclusion

When it comes to men’s shorts, there are many different lengths to choose from. Calf-length shorts are the longest of the bunch, providing coverage and protection for outdoor activities, especially going for ice cream on Sunday night after cooking for your friends at your loft.

Below-knee shorts are a popular choice for semi-casual occasions, and above knee shorts are a favorite for athletes and outdoor enthusiasts. The easiest way to adopt this look is to cut off some long pants in your closet with the table saw in your shop.

Mid-thigh shorts are a great option for those who want to show off their legs, especially if you have a farmer’s tan that is so red it looks like you lost a paint-ball battle.

And way-too-short shorts are the shortest of all, providing a very casual, yet provocative, look. So provocative you may be banned from entering the city limits of your small town.