When you arrive at the restaurant one minute before closing
Stella and Tom, a young couple, had just finished watching a play in Portland. The post-theater craving for some exquisite cuisine was kicking in. They remembered a place recommended by their friend Chad – “Le Culinaire.” According to Chad, it was “the hottest place in town.”
They reached the restaurant, and Stella glanced at her watch, “9:59pm.”
“Just made it,” Tom said with a sigh of relief.
A tall, thin woman who was flipping the sign from “Open” to “Closed”, looked them up and down. “We close at 10pm.” she said.
“But it’s only 9:59pm,” Tom said.
The hostess said, “Fine. We can seat you. At the bar.”
Stella raised an eyebrow. “We were hoping for a table…”
“At the bar.”
The ambiance was undeniably classy with low light, velvety chairs, and elegant silverware. As they were settling onto the barstools, Tom whispered, “Maybe Chad was right. This place looks amazing!”
The bartender, a stout man with a bald head and bushy mustache, glanced at them and slid two menus their way. “What can I get you to drink?” he asked.
Stella’s eyes darted to their cocktail menu, “I’ll have the ‘Mystic Moonlight’, please.”
The bartender sighed. “Sorry, we only offer Budweiser now.”
Tom blinked in surprise. “You’re a French restaurant with just… Budweiser?”
The bartender nodded. “Just Budweiser.”
Tom hesitated, “Alright, at least let me have an IPA beer.”
The bartender looked at him, deadpan. “Nope. Just Budweiser.”
Stella laughed. “Okay, two Budweisers it is!”
They took a moment to peruse the food menu with dishes like “Duck a la Orange” and “Bouillabaisse Marseillaise.”
“I’ll have the Filet Mignon with truffle sauce, please,” Tom said.
The bartender rubbed his temple. “Sorry, we only serve hamburgers now.”
“Come again?” Stella said.
“Just hamburgers. But they’re really good hamburgers.”
Tom said, “This is ‘Le Culinaire’! Your menu has at least twenty-five different dishes!”
The bartender shrugged, “Well, it had. Now it has one. The hamburger.”
Stella said, “Does it at least come with fries?”
The bartender frowned, “No. Just a pickle. But it’s a really good pickle.”
They looked at each other. Hunger and curiosity prevailed. “Alright, two hamburgers with two really good pickles, please.”
Finally, their meal arrived – two rather ordinary-looking hamburgers with single pickles on the side.
Stella took a bite. “This is… actually not bad.”
Tom nodded in agreement. “It’s not ‘Le Culinaire’ quality, but it’s decent.”
They laughed, clinking their Budweiser bottles together. “To the most exclusive dining experience of our lives!”
The check came with another surprise. Each hamburger? $100. The Budweiser? $50 a bottle.
Stella’s eyes widened, “For a burger and a Budweiser?!”
Tom chuckled, “The real ‘Le Culinaire’ experience.”
As they left the restaurant, the hostess waved them off. “Do visit again! Preferably before 9:59pm.”
Stella laughed, “Maybe next time we’ll get to try the fries.”
Tom shook his head, “Or maybe they’ll only serve us a really good ketchup packet.”
