Catfished On Tinder

I looked over the woman’s photos on Tinder. Really good.

In this age of staged Instagram photos, it is inevitable that people on Tinder, intent on making a good first impression, would go to great lengths to make their pictures shine.

But there photos were TOO good. Pro level. So good I figured they were stolen.

Who is behind this Tinder name, gorgeous model and beautiful photos?

A little search with Google Images told the tale.

Russia. Why are they always from Russia?

I’m getting catfished on Tinder. Again.

Do svidaniya.


Name a Cockroach After Your Lover for Valentine’s Day

Would you like to name a cockroach after your loved one? Well, now you can!

The Bronx Zoo is allowing people to name one of their ten thousand or so Madagascar cockroaches after their loved one. You give them 10 bucks and they’ll give you a digital certificate that certifies that one of their cockroaches is named after your Valentine.

For $25 you can get a printed certificate and they’ll throw in some free chocolates from a local confectionery — that’s just an added bonus. Hey, good ideas from the Bronx Zoo to get people involved. I think this what they should do since they’re using their sense of humor to get people to name cockroaches after their Valentine: For $100, the Bronx Zoo will unload a BOX of cockroaches into the home of your EX.

That might be their best seller.

5 Things You Should Never Do After Sex

Sex is an intimate act between you and your lover. Don’t ruin it with any of these after-party antics.

1. Do not stand on one side of the room and applaud your partner.

2. Do not stand in the window buck nekkid while you order a pizza.

3. Do not wrap yourself in the blankets and start reciting quotes from Dr. Zhivago.

4. Do not weep uncontrollably.

5. Do not turn on the TV and start checking sports scores against your wagers, crying out, “The Broncos! Those damn Broncos cost me again!”

Local Man Spends Lunch Hour Every Day Visiting Site of Junior High Romance

Courtesy Death to Stock Photos
Courtesy Death to Stock Photos


A local man leaves his supervisor job at a local food factory every day at noon to eat lunch overlooking the site of a long lost junior high romance.

“She was my first love,” he explained. “How can I ever let that go?”

The windswept beach is even more misty and romantic in his mind than it is today. “It was different then. We’d walk this beach for hours without seeing a soul. Now you have vagrants out here all day and night. Don’t these people have jobs?”

He crumpled the wax paper he had wrapped his sandwich in and threw it into the Scooby-Doo Lunch Box she gave him for his birthday. It has a little rust on it now, but it still works.


7 Signs Your Relationship is on Life Support

There are some very clear signs your significant other and you are heading for the rocks. Take heed.

Addicted to Netflix

Your SO can’t tear themselves away from Netflix to shower, eat or go to work.

Toaster Oven Abuse

it wouldn't broilYou come home to find your SO violently bashing the toaster oven in the wall because it won’t broil correctly.

Strange Emails

You SO is having lengthy email conversations with someone in the Nigerian royal family who just needs them to hold $375,000,000 for a short time.

Friends Disapprove

Be careful if ALL your friends disapprove of your SO. This is especially true if your SO offers to pay them to say good things.

Voices In Their Head

Do you catch your SO talking to themselves at all hours of the day and night? Get the divorce papers ready.

TV Golf Fan

If your SO suddenly becomes a fan of golf on TV, things have gone horribly wrong. Nothing is more boring than golf on TV.

Cheese Singles

Is your SO buying those cheese packages with slices that are each wrapped individually? Sorry, it’s over.

Relationships are tough. Watch for these signs that your SO is losing interest. Or just losing their mind in general.

7 Fights Couples Have Every September

Every September couples have these same fights. Come on, kids, let’s turn down the fighting and learn to get along.

Football Game on TV

It doesn’t matter that every football game in the known universe is televised now. Every week, the game she wants to watch is on the same time as the game he wants to watch.

Halloween Costume

Sure, Halloween is weeks away, but they know they better get started on a costume strategy. He says they should go as Ohio State Buckeyes and she wants to be characters from Frozen.

Raking Leaves

Courtesy Unsplash
Courtesy Unsplash

He says they should keep the leaves in a pile so the dog can jump in them like the crazy animal he is. She just wants to throw them over the fence into the neighbor’s yard.

Blanket Count

She wants to start adding blankets to the bed because “it’s getting colder.” He says it is still 95 during the day and the extra blankets are sending his body temperature to 115.

Feed the Dog

Courtesy George Eastman House via Flickr Commons
Courtesy George Eastman House via Flickr Commons

The dog should be fed at the same hour, right? I mean, even considering the days are getting shorter. Does he care. He does not.

Rock Festivals

He wants to catch two more rock shows before the football season really heats up. She lost her enthusiasm for rock festivals when it rained at that Zydeco show in early August.

Drugs, Man!

He wants her to buy regular Aspirin due to his knee injury from when he returned 7 punts for touchdowns in the same game his senior year, getting tacked on the final run just as he cleared the goal line and put his school into the state finals. She says he should switch to low-dose.

Hockey Spirit Nights

Courtesy Library of Congress
Courtesy Library of Congress

She wants to go to the Spirit Night promotions to support the local hockey team. He says their time is better spent jogging so they can both lose the 20 pounds they’ve gained together in the last year.

These arguments are so common in America, the Obama Administration has formed a committee to investigate solutions. I say everybody just chill, and things will work out.

7 Things To Avoid Before Sex

Sex can be good and it can be bad.

Meaning I can be bad sometimes.

OK, most of the time.

Either way, you’ll ruin your romantic interludes for sure if you don’t avoid these things right before sex.


Call your broker.

Courtesy Florida Memory via Flickr Commons
Courtesy Florida Memory via Flickr Commons


Call your mother.

Courtesy George Eastman House via Flickr Commons
Courtesy George Eastman House via Flickr Commons


Do tricks with the dog.

Courtesy National Archief via Flickr Commons
Courtesy National Archief via Flickr Commons


Review your stamp collection.

Courtesy Internet Archive
Courtesy Internet Archive


Play industrial metal music.

pd- machinery - machine - industry - 1280w - Image from page 344 of Illustrated catalogue and general description of improved machine tools for w 14770358431
Courtesy Internet Archive


Build those new shelves from Ikea.

Courtesy Internet Archive
Courtesy Internet Archive


Break out a checkerboard.

Courtesy Thad Zajdowicz via Flickr Public Domain

How to Get Naked With Someone New

cartoon- image_019-crop-love-date-kiss-romance-relationship-valentine


She’s perfect for you. But will you drop the ball when you get naked? Here’s what to do.

Listen To Their Body

Put your ear on their stomach and say loudly, “I can hear the ocean!”

Raise Anticipation

Anticipation starts well before the date. Send her text messages like, “Your hair reminds me of the soft, silky carpet remnants on sale this weekend at Rug Barn.”

Emote A Little, You Stoic

It wouldn’t kill you to add a few words here and there to tell her how you feel. Say, “Eureka!” or “Nailed It” when you feel passion.

Confident Touch

Don’t touch your partner like you are grabbing dollar bills out of the swirling air during the Cash Grab Booth game at the State Fair.

Relax, Kid

Nobody likes a stressful experience. Take the pressure off. Laugh loudly and say, “This is really neat!”


Your silent routine may work on the golf course, but here you actually need to talk to another human being. Ask her how she feels. Say, “How is this working for you?” and demand an answer. “You must tell me now!”

Cuddle Time

What, you have to catch a cab? Cuddle with her. Say things like, “That was great. I particularly liked your idea of recreating the 1967 Super Bowl. Ingenious.”

Married Couple Forget Their Elementary Schools

Courtesy US National Archives
Courtesy US National Archives

A local married couple recently forgot what elementary schools they attended. In a discussion on what schools they attended over the years, both were accurate in reporting the name of their middle and high schools.

Things broke down when they mentioned their elementary schools.

“I went to Carver. I remember because they knocked it down four years after I left,” she said.

“You didn’t go to Carver. You went to Hudson like the rest of us,” he said. “You just acted like you were too good for the rest of us, even at 9 years old.”

“You DID NOT go to Hudson. That’s where the juvy kids went. You went to Lincoln! Don’t you remember they called your parents who had to come and get you when you had an accident?”

“What are you talking about? I never had an accident.”