10 things found in the Lost and Found box at the Council of Nicea

1. Arius’s Mixtape A collection of Arius’s greatest theological hits, including the chart-topping “Homoiousios Harmony”. Warning: May contain heretical content.

2. Saint Nicholas’s Boxing Gloves A pair of red and white boxing gloves, presumably left behind by Saint Nicholas after the legendary “Santa Slap”.

3. Bishop’s Beard Trimmer A state-of-the-art beard trimmer with multiple attachments for achieving the perfect apostolic look.

4. Holy Water Squirt Gun A novelty squirt gun filled with holy water, for those impromptu exorcisms and water fights.

5. Scroll of Unpopular Opinions A scroll containing a list of unpopular opinions, such as “Manna is overrated” and “Sandals are not proper footwear for bishops”.

6. Chalice of Endless Coffee A sacred chalice that miraculously refills with coffee, a necessity for long theological debates.

7. Halo Polish A small tin of halo polish for keeping one’s halo shiny and bright. Essential for making a divine impression.

8. Map to Atlantis A detailed and completely inaccurate map leading to the lost city of Atlantis, marked with “Here Be Mermaids”.

9. Gavel of Heresy Smashing A heavy gavel used for declaring ideas heretical and keeping order during heated discussions.

10. Eau de Myrrh Cologne A bottle of cologne with the distinct scent of myrrh, for bishops who want to smell heavenly during the council.