10 women who dumped me on Valentine’s day
Romantic relationships are hard. I’ve had my share of break ups. It’s really hard when you get the boot on a holiday. Here are ten women who dumped me on Valentine’s Day.
Olivia dumped me when she found I lived in Canada when I was young. She said she was terrified by a moose once and she connects Canada with moose violence.
Emma broke up with me because she realized I claimed to be a professional writer and she was embarrassed by my hunt and peck typing.
Amelia broke up with me on Valentine’s Day because she said I was too short. I said I’m not short, I’m 5-11. She said that is short.
I broke up with Ava on Valentine’s Day because she said I reminded her of a plump version of Chris Evans.
Setsko dumped me because she said I looked like an over plump version of Chris Pine.
Natalie dumped me on Valentine’s Day when I showed up with a dozen daffodils instead of long-stemmed roses. She said I was cheap.
Connie dumped me because she found out in college I was the back up mascot.
Ima dumped me because I accidentally texted her a message meant for my mom. It said, “You always hated me. That’s why your cooking stinks!”
Julieta dumped me because her brother and I got drunk and we dove off the roof into her prize rose bushes and destroyed them.
