5 ways to get Socrates to join your company softball team

Philosopher’s Stoneball

Present him with a unique softball made from the “Philosopher’s Stone,” claiming it has the ability to grant wisdom to anyone who holds it. Tell Socrates that by playing with this ball, he can ponder life’s greatest questions and achieve unparalleled enlightenment on the field.

The Elysian Fields Challenge

Convince him that the other team is made up of the greatest minds from the Elysian Fields, the paradise in the afterlife for heroes and virtuous souls. Tell him that by playing against these legendary figures, he’d have the perfect platform to test his philosophical teachings and challenge them in both sport and thought.

Dialectic Softball

Introduce a unique rule to the game: For every run scored, the scorer gets to pose a philosophical question that the other team must answer. Suggest that this would be a way to merge physical activity with intellectual stimulation, appealing to Socrates’ love for dialectic discussions.

Hemlock Hydration

Assure Socrates that instead of the customary drinks, there’ll be a special concoction that mimics the effects of hemlock, but only temporarily. This would allow him to “experience” death briefly, and then come back to continue his inquiries into life and existence—a philosophical experiment he might find intriguing.

Athenian All-Stars Jersey

Gift him a custom-made jersey that proudly displays “Athenian All-Stars” across the front. Tell him that by joining the team, he’d not only be representing the pride of Athens but also ensuring that its philosophical legacy shines bright, even in recreational activities.