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5 ways to survive a parachute failure

1. Anti-Gravity Bracelet: Imagine a wrist-worn device that, upon activation, reverses the gravitational pull for the wearer. When your parachute fails, you activate your bracelet, allowing you to float safely down or even rise back into the sky until the effect wears off.

2. Inflatable Holographic Birds: A device that, when triggered, releases a flock of holographic birds. They’re solid to the touch due to advanced technology. You could grab onto several of these birds, and they’d flap their wings, slowing your descent.

3. Temporal Pause Watch: This watch has the ability to stop time for a short duration. If your parachute fails, you activate the watch, pausing time, and giving you a moment to reposition, find a solution, or even move yourself closer to a safer landing area before restarting time.

4. Nano-Cloud Canister: A small canister that releases a dense cloud of nanobots. These nanobots quickly form a cushion or net-like structure below you, slowing down your fall and gently bouncing you up a few times before setting you down on the ground.

5. Interdimensional Pocket Portal: A pocket-sized device that, when thrown, opens a portal to a parallel dimension. The trick is to throw it right below you and jump into the portal just before hitting the ground. Once inside, you find yourself in a soft, cushioned room where you can catch your breath before exiting back to your original dimension.

Joe Ditzel

Joe Ditzel is a keynote speaker, humor writer, and really bad golfer. You can reach him via email at [email protected] as well as Twitter, Facebook, Google+ and LinkedIn.