Letter of Paul to the Floridians
A letter of Paul, a servant humankind, called to be an apostle, to the beloved in Florida, the land of sunshine and storms:
Grace and peace to you.
I give thanks for you always, for in my travels I’ve heard tales of your unique land, where the sun reigns supreme, yet is often punctuated by sudden tempests. As you face hurricanes that test the very foundations of your homes, let them also be a reminder to build your spiritual foundation.
In the midst of your verdant wetlands, where the alligator lurks, remember the cunning of the serpent in Eden. Be ever vigilant, standing firm against the snares of the enemy, armored in the truth and righteousness of the gospel. Do not bother alligators for a TikTok video. How many times have we seen people, after too many beers, bothering alligators? What happens? Right, they get chomped.
Many from distant lands flock to your shores, drawn by dreams of enchantment in places like Disney World. For me, the log ride reminded me of the tempests of Noah’s flood. I was soaked head to toe and looked really silly in the picture provided.
As my cloak dried, I bought a Mickey Mouse hat for an outrageous price. I love Mickey as he is a child of our beloved community, but I am but a humble servant, and it seemed a little pricey for ordinary Americans. But I understand capitalism and it is your ways.
I’ve heard of debates and book bans, of voices silenced and others raised in protest. In these times of division, seek wisdom and understanding, and let love be your guiding principle, for “knowledge puffs up, but love builds up.”
In the thick humidity and flash thunderstorms, seek grace. Just as unexpected rains refresh the parched earth, let the living waters refresh your souls. Think of sudden storms as a video game, as you peer through the fogged up windshield, the wipers running furiously back and forth, trying to decide if a puddle is only two inches deep, or will eat your car.
Oh, the beauty of your beaches, the allure of Miami, where people shimmer like the waters they walk beside! But, dear Floridians, remember the words of Peter: “Your beauty should not come from outward adornment… Rather, it should be that of your inner self.” Also, lock the doors to your car. And the house.
In Key West, where the horizon seems endless, and seagulls dance with the tides, seek the ways of the Lord. And as you navigate the bustling streets, amidst traffic and tales of crime, make sure you don’t sleep on the beach after too many mimosas.
To the elders and senior citizens who have found solace in your sun-kissed state, remember that with age comes wisdom. Use this insight to make sure you stay in one lane and avoid drifting across four or more lanes.
And as you gather on green fields to partake in games of golf, may it be a time of fellowship, reminding one another of the course set before us by God, with its challenges, joys, and ultimate reward. In that spirit, I must remind you not to use the Lord’s name in vain, even when you lost all courage and left a birdie putt two feet short.
In all things, Floridians, let your hearts be steadfast, your spirits joyful, and your eyes fixed on the eternal prize. For in Christ, we find shelter from every storm, joy in every circumstance, and hope that outshines even the brightest Floridian sun.
In His unwavering love, Paul.
