Food and Restaurants

Competitive eater disqualified for using extra stomachs in taco challenge

(Los Angeles, CA) The competitive eating world was rocked yesterday after rising star Biff “The Belly” Bagley was disqualified from the prestigious “Taco Terror” challenge for allegedly having “excessive abdominal capacity.” Bagley, known for his superhuman appetite and lightning-fast consumption speed, was leading the competition comfortably when he was apprehended mid-taco.

“It was like watching a black hole eat a burrito,” said eyewitness Mildred Quibble. “He just kept going, no matter how many tacos we piled on his plate. It was almost mesmerizing, but then his stomach started to…pulsate.”

Quibble’s observation was confirmed by video footage, which shows Bagley’s abdomen expanding to an alarming size during the competition. Medical personnel rushed to the scene and, upon examination, discovered what appeared to be multiple additional stomachs beneath Bagley’s skin.

“It’s an incredible anomaly,” said Dr. Penelope Pinch, who examined Bagley. “We’ve never seen anything like it. It’s like he has a whole internal cafeteria system going on in there.”

Bagley, who has denied any wrongdoing, claims the extra stomachs are simply the result of years of intense food training. However, his explanation has been met with skepticism from the competitive eating community.

“This is a blatant violation of the spirit of the sport,” said veteran competitive eater “Gargantuan” Gary Grubbs. “We compete with our guts, not with our gut collection. This is a dark day for competitive eating.”

The International Federation of Competitive Eating (IFCE) is currently investigating the incident. Bagley could face a lifetime ban from competitive eating if the extra stomachs are confirmed to be artificial.

This incident has sparked a debate about the ethics of competitive eating and the lengths to which some athletes will go to win. Some argue that Bagley’s case is an isolated incident and that the sport is still pure. Others believe that this is just the tip of the iceberg and that the sport is rife with unethical practices.

Only time will tell what the long-term impact of this scandal will be on the competitive eating world. However, one thing is for sure: the days of simply stuffing your face are over. In this new era of competitive eating, you’ve got to have your insides on your outsides if you want to be a champion.

Joe Ditzel

Joe Ditzel is a keynote speaker, humor writer, and really bad golfer. You can reach him via email at jditzel@yahoo.com as well as Twitter, Facebook, Google+ and LinkedIn.