Scottie Scheffler Arrested at Valhalla Club After Using Rolls Royce as Golf Cart

(LOUISVILLE, KY – 05-17-24) — The serene greens of the Valhalla Golf Club turned into a chaotic spectacle yesterday as PGA star Scottie Scheffler was arrested today after attempting to navigate the course in his Rolls Royce, citing his need for comfort in the humid Kentucky weather.

Scheffler, currently ranked the top player in the world, rolled up to the first tee not in a standard golf cart but in his luxurious Rolls Royce. Witnesses say the golfer, known for his composed demeanor on the course, had apparently decided that the club’s regular carts were inadequate for his stature and comfort needs.

“At first, we thought it was a joke,” said fellow golfer and witness Scooter McTavern, who was at the club for his daily 19-hole regimen. “But then he just kept going, insisting he needed the AC and plush seats to perform at his best. It was like watching a very confused episode of ‘Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous.'”

Scheffler’s Rolls Royce, a vehicle not typically seen weaving between bunkers and water hazards, quickly drew attention. The car’s opulent presence on the pristine fairways disrupted other golfers’ games and caused several caddies to drop their bags in disbelief.

As Scheffler approached the 9th hole, his determination to complete the round in luxury had already caused multiple delays. Club officials, initially hesitant to confront one of golf’s elite, finally decided to intervene after receiving numerous complaints from members whose rounds were derailed by the spectacle.

“Mr. Scheffler was polite but firm,” said Valhalla’s head of security, Roger Green. “He genuinely believed that as a top golfer, he should be afforded top transportation. Unfortunately, a Rolls Royce is not designed for fairway travel, no matter how prestigious the passenger.”

The situation escalated when Scheffler attempted to navigate a particularly narrow bridge intended for foot traffic. The Rolls Royce, predictably, became stuck. At this point, local authorities were called to the scene to address the obstruction and the ensuing traffic jam.

Upon their arrival, police officers were treated to the surreal sight of Scheffler calmly practicing his putting next to his stranded luxury vehicle. “We asked Mr. Scheffler to step away from the vehicle,” said Officer Sarah Thompson, “but he insisted he needed to finish the hole. Golf is a sport of patience, but this was pushing it.”

Ultimately, Scheffler was arrested for disorderly golfing and unauthorized use of a motor vehicle on the golf course. As he was led away in handcuffs, he reportedly shouted, “I’m just trying to set a new standard for player comfort!”

The golfing community has been buzzing with reactions, ranging from bewilderment to amusement. Tiger Woods tweeted, “I know golf is all about the long drive, but this is ridiculous.” Meanwhile, Phil Mickelson quipped, “Guess someone couldn’t handle the cart girl snacks.”

Valhalla Club has since announced a new policy explicitly banning the use of luxury sedans, SUVs, and any non-golf vehicle on their courses. As for Scheffler, his next appearance will likely be in court, where he will have to explain his unique interpretation of golf course transportation.

In the meantime, monied golfers everywhere are left to wonder: if a Rolls Royce can’t cut it as a golf cart, what hope does a Bentley have?