Tesla Introduces The Thunderstorm: A Classic V8 Beast for the New Age

October 14, 2024 Joe Ditzel

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

PALO ALTO, CALIFORNIA — In a move that absolutely no one saw coming (not even our own engineers, if we’re being honest), Tesla is thrilled to announce the Tesla Thunderstorm, our first-ever internal combustion engine V8 muscle car. Yes, you read that correctly. The electric car company just went… VROOM.

Elon Musk, CEO and automotive visionary, took a moment to explain: “Look, we love electric cars, and we’re going to keep making them. But sometimes, you just want to sit in a driveway and rev a car so loudly it annoys your neighbors three counties over. That’s where the Thunderstorm comes in.”

The Tesla Thunderstorm is a throwback to simpler times, with 650 horsepower, an engine that growls like a caffeine-addicted grizzly bear, and absolutely zero regard for fuel efficiency. Designed for the kind of person who wears aviator sunglasses indoors, the Thunderstorm combines Tesla’s cutting-edge design aesthetic with the subtlety of a fireworks show in your living room.

Features Include:

– The Growler V8 Engine: Lovingly handcrafted to make sure it drinks fuel like a college freshman at their first keg party.

– Analog Dash with Digital Ego: A speedometer that goes all the way up to “Why Are You Doing This?” accompanied by an AI assistant that continually questions your life choices.

– The Musk Mode: Engage “Musk Mode” to emit even louder exhaust notes and light up undercarriage LEDs that spell out Jordan Peterson motivational tweets. “You’re not stuck in traffic. You *are* traffic.”

Why, Elon, Why?

We know what you’re thinking: *Why would Tesla, the electric car pioneer, create a gas-guzzling muscle car?* Well, we thought about it, and frankly, because we can. Sometimes innovation means taking two steps forward and one roaring step back into the 1970s. It’s for those days when the wind in your hair just doesn’t feel right without a little bit of fossil fuel guilt. And, frankly, we kind of missed the smell of gasoline—nostalgia is a powerful thing.

For Those Who Want It All

Whether you’re a die-hard environmentalist looking for a way to feel dangerous again, or just someone who has always wanted to burn rubber at a red light, the Tesla Thunderstorm is here for you. It’s Tesla—but with flames painted on the hood, a questionable sense of responsibility, and an engine so loud it makes your chiropractor appointments *mandatory*.

The Thunderstorm will be available in extremely limited quantities because, let’s face it, we’re still Tesla and we only made about twelve of these things. Order now if you’ve always wanted to feel what it’s like to be the most confusing person at a Cars and Coffee event.

Welcome to the new era of Tesla. One that still loves the future, but every once in a while, just needs to burn a little rubber.

For more information, visit www.tesla.com/thunderstorm or call 1-800-BIG-VROOM.