Trump wants Greenland and Panama. Here are 10 other spots he might covet.
Atlantis
- Reason: “The real estate market underwater is tremendous. We could build the most luxurious underwater hotels—better than Dubai’s. Plus, they’ve got to be tired of being sunk by now. We’ll make Atlantis great again!”
The Moon
- Reason: “China’s probably already staking claims up there. We can’t let them win the Moon. It’s prime land for luxury moon golf courses—and you’d hit the ball for miles up there. I’m very good at golf, by the way.”
Disneyland
- Reason: “It’s already American, but I think we should federalize it. Disney doesn’t know what they’re doing with it. Imagine if it were called Trump’s Disneyland: The Happiest Deal on Earth.”
The Isle of Man
- Reason: “The name is perfect—very masculine, very strong. I’d rename it the Isle of Trump, and it’d be the greatest tax haven ever. Even better than Switzerland. People love that.”
North Pole
- Reason: “Santa Claus is a tremendous guy. But the elves? They’re overworked and underpaid. I’ll turn the North Pole into a free-market winter wonderland. Christmas will be big league again!”
Lake Erie
- Reason: “Technically, it’s already part of the U.S., but we don’t own it outright. I’d turn it into a giant Trump-branded fishery. People love my name on water. Very classy.”
The Vatican
- Reason: “The Pope’s a good guy, but the Vatican’s been underperforming. They’ve got gold, art, but no luxury condos! I’d turn it into Trump’s Holy Towers. Very holy, very tasteful.”
Antarctica
- Reason: “Nobody’s claiming Antarctica because they don’t know how to develop it. I’d put in a Trump Polar Resort. Penguins love me—ask anyone.”
The Bermuda Triangle
- Reason: “People disappear there, okay? Not good. But what if they didn’t? I’d make it safe and put in the most fabulous resorts. Nobody will disappear when I’m in charge.”
Cuba
- Reason: “We need a backup Florida in case the current one sinks. I’d turn Havana into a giant casino strip. Fidel didn’t know what he was doing. I would.”
These claims would likely be followed by his infamous, “People are saying it’s the best idea, believe me. Everyone loves it.”
