5 most unhinged animals ever to roam the Kansas City Zoo

Animals are funny, perplexing, amazing creatures. Some are downright crazy. Here are five of the most insane animals in the history of the Kansas City Zoo.

Reginald the Macaw, Former Life Coach

Reginald doesn’t squawk—he judges. Perched on his custom teak throne in the tropical aviary, Reginald once stole a zookeeper’s AirPods and refused to give them back until they “admitted their fear of failure.” He speaks fluent passive-aggressive encouragement, yelling things like “YOU’RE ALMOST BRAVE ENOUGH” at schoolchildren. Rumor has it, he once convinced a tourist to leave their spouse and become a beekeeper in Olathe.

Sandra the Capybara, Queen of Spa Culture

Sandra doesn’t believe in stress, pants, or following the “do not enter” signs. She runs an illegal spa ring out of the otter exhibit, offering mud facials and eucalyptus foot rubs to other animals in exchange for snacks and gossip. Last summer, she staged a wellness retreat for lemurs and had to be sedated after demanding her own hammock and a subscription to Goop en Español.

Meatball the Hyena, Failed Stand-Up Comedian

Every morning at 10:15, Meatball climbs atop an old tire and delivers what he calls “observational humor” but is mostly incoherent yelling about zoo food and the mating habits of gazelles. He once tried to crowdsource a Netflix special by demanding smartphones from schoolkids through the fence. He’s currently on a self-imposed “comedy fast” because an emu said his timing was off.

Linda the Giraffe, Diva of the Savannah

Linda wears a silk scarf in every season and refuses to lower her head for photographs unless the lighting is “Renaissance golden.” She once held up the entire tram tour because her horoscope said not to cross bridges on a Tuesday. When they tried to transfer her to the Omaha Zoo, she claimed diplomatic immunity and barricaded herself with hay bales. She’s currently in a feud with a flamingo who “copied her vibe.”

Doug the Kangaroo, Escape Artist and Local Folk Hero

Doug has broken out of his enclosure SEVEN TIMES—twice using tunnels, once by bribing a meerkat, and once by riding on top of a delivery truck disguised as a trash bag. He doesn’t want freedom—he wants drama. His last escape ended with him hopping through Union Station in sunglasses and a trench coat while humming the Mission: Impossible theme. The zoo has installed a 24/7 “DougCam,” but he occasionally hacks it to broadcast reruns of Cheers.