10 Things Trump is Going to Build Next
Trump is a construction guy at heart. First he concreted the Rose Garden. Now a Ballroom is in the works. Here are 10 more projects reportedly on the drawing board:
1. The Hexagon (formerly The Pentagon)
Why stop at five sides when you could have six? Sources say Trump finds the current Pentagon “geometrically insufficient” and “frankly, a little pointless.” The renovation will add a sixth side, which will house a new Department of People Who Agree With Me. “Pentagons are for losers,” Trump allegedly told architects. “Hexagons are the future. Bees know this. Very smart, bees.”
2. Mar-a-Lago North (The White House Expansion)
Plans include adding a 27-hole golf course to the South Lawn, complete with gold-plated water hazards shaped like the continental United States. The Oval Office will be expanded to the “Oval-er Office,” featuring 30% more oval and twice the resolute desk space.
3. Mount Trumpmore
Why settle for being on Mount Rushmore when you can have your own mountain? This ambitious project involves commissioning a entirely new mountain in Wyoming with just one face on it. “Much classier than that crowded South Dakota thing,” insiders report.
4. The National Ballroom Reserve
Not content with just one ballroom, plans call for a Strategic Ballroom Stockpile with twelve additional ballrooms of varying sizes, “in case we need to dance our way out of a national emergency.”
5. The Trump Wall Museum and Gift Shop
The border wall will be retrofitted with climate-controlled museum spaces every mile, featuring exhibits on “The Art of the Wall” and selling commemorative bricks. Annual pass: $2,025.
6. The Situation Room Situation
The current Situation Room will be demolished and replaced with “The Tremendous Room,” featuring floor-to-ceiling gold leaf, a chandelier visible from space, and screens so big “you can see the situations coming from tomorrow.”
7. Congressional Parking Garage with Gold Trim
Because even parking structures deserve to be classy. Each level will be named after a Trump property, and all parking spots will be designated “President’s Choice” spaces.
8. The Lincoln Memorial Penthouse Addition
Why should Lincoln just sit there? Plans include adding a 5-story luxury penthouse on top of the memorial, maintaining “respectful distance” from Lincoln’s head by a full three feet.
9. Air Force One Point Five
The current Air Force One will get a younger sibling: a slightly smaller plane that follows behind carrying backup hairspray, extra document boxes, and a mobile Big Mac production facility.
10. The Eisenhower Executive Office Building Executive-er Office Building
Right next to the existing EEOB, this new structure will house offices for executives who executive harder than the regular executives. Features include solid gold doorknobs (naturally), desks that rise from the floor on hydraulic lifts, and a helipad on every floor “for efficiency.”
