5 worst zoos in Louisville

There are many zoos in Louisville, and the one thing you don’t want to happen is you get there and your kids are disappointed in whatever way that kids get disappointed. But to make it easy for you, here are the five worst zoos in Louisville that will help you avoid those that are perhaps not going to be a big hit with the family.

Ted’s Zoo for Animals with Emotional Problems

Ted is the owner, manager, zookeeper, and only employee of the zoo. The zoo is located in his backyard. Ted, who went through a bout of emotional problems himself, realized that his dog also had emotional problems because the dog was not only biting the mailman, he was jumping in the mailman’s truck and driving it down the street with the mailman chasing after it. After that, Ted said, “I better investigate this” and took his dog to his therapist. The therapist suggested that he open a zoo for animals with emotional problems. Ted later found out that the therapist only suggested this because he saw a new revenue stream that would allow him to buy his own Winnebago so that he could travel the country.

The Louisville Zoo for Hitchhiking Bears

This zoo was set up by the city to create a home for the significant number of bears found hitchhiking on highways near Louisville and in fact in the city itself. So you may ask, why are the bears hitchhiking? The answer is that they want to change their image. By hitchhiking, they feel like there’s going to be more exposure to the public, which will reduce the fear that people have of bears. This, in turn, will make people more open to handing over food, including McDonald’s, the finest restaurants in town, Long John Silver’s, and of course the unlimited shrimp at Red Lobster.

The Louisville Zoo of Short-Necked Giraffes

This zoo houses giraffes that, due to a rare genetic condition, have necks roughly the length of a horse’s. While the zoo’s founders believed this would make the giraffes more accessible and relatable to children, the result has been widespread confusion and disappointment. Visitors frequently complain that the animals are “just weird spotted horses” and demand refunds. The giraffes themselves seem unbothered, though they do appear mildly embarrassed when actual horses walk by.

The Zoo of Robotic Chickens

Originally conceived as a cutting-edge educational exhibit about poultry, this zoo features forty-seven animatronic chickens that were purchased from a defunct Chuck E. Cheese in 1994. The robots move in jerky, unsettling patterns and emit sounds that the manufacturer insists are “authentic chicken vocalizations” but that most visitors describe as “nightmare fuel.” The zoo’s lone attendant, Gerald, spends most of his shift reassuring crying children that the chickens cannot, in fact, escape their enclosures. He does not sound entirely convinced himself.

The Zoo with No Animals at All

This zoo is exactly what it sounds like. The enclosures are empty. The food stands sell nothing. The gift shop contains only photographs of animals that were “supposed to arrive any day now” since the zoo opened in 2003. The owner, Margaret Flemstein, maintains that the zoo offers visitors “a chance to imagine what animals might look like if they were here,” which she calls “interactive mindfulness.” Admission is twelve dollars. There is no senior discount.