A Field Study of Anger Levels in Elderly Males as Their Golf Scores Increase Exponentially over 18 Holes of Play

Great news. Looks like my paper “A Field Study of Anger Levels in Elderly Males as Their Golf Scores Increase Exponentially over 18 Holes of Play” (Ditzel, et al) has a chance for publication in “Golf Mental Disorders” medical journal. Here’s a summary of the scholarship:

Abstract: “We hypothesize that anger increases nonlinearly after the third consecutive ‘bogey that felt like a birdie.’”

Methods:
—Sample: 24 males ages 62–81
—Instruments: decibel meter, vein-pulsation index, frequency of saying “I used to be a stick”
—Controls: wind, cart-girl sightings, playing partner’s unsolicited swing tip

Results: anger spikes most sharply on holes 14–16, coinciding with “math realization” (the point where par is no longer possible without time travel).

Discussion: blame attribution shifts from self → equipment → course design → society in that order.

Limitations: small sample size due to subjects leaving early to “beat traffic” after the 9th.

Citations: Ditzel, J. (2025). The Loud Exhale: A Longitudinal Study of Putting Trauma. Journal of Advanced Athletic Delusion.