Hit Enter When Ready
Tech Support: “What does the screen say now.”
Customer: “It says, ‘Hit ENTER when ready’.”
Tech Support: “Well?”
Customer: “How do I know when it’s ready?”
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Joe Ditzel
Joe Ditzel Has Some Problems
Author: Joe Ditzel
Depth of Talent – Engineering Joke
Sam was fresh out of engineering school and went to a interview for a good paying job. The company boss asked various questions about him and his education, but then asked him, “What is three times seven?”
“22,” Sam replied.
After he left, he double-checked it on his calculator and realized he wouldn’t get the job. About two weeks later, he got a letter that said he was hired for the job!
He was happy to get the job but also curious. So,the next day, he went in and asked why he got the job, even though he got such a simple question wrong.
The boss shrugged and said, “Well, you were the closest.”
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Under the Cover of Darkness
A Russian, an American, and a blonde were talking one day.
The Russian said, “We were the first in space!”
The American said, “We were the first on the moon!”
The blonde said, “So what? We’re going to be the first on the sun!”
The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. “You can’t land on the sun, you idiot! You’ll burn up!” said the Russian.
The blonde replied, “We’re not stupid, you know. We’re going at night!”
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Flight Control
At a recent software engineering management course in the US, the participants were given an awkward question to answer. "If you had just boarded an airliner and discovered that your team of programmers had been responsible for the flight control software how many of you would disembark immediately?" Among the ensuing forest of raised hands, only one man sat motionless. When asked what he would do, he replied that he would be quite content to stay onboard. With his team's software, he said, the plane was unlikely to even taxi as far as the runway, let alone take off.
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Comedy Quote: K-Date
Liz Lemon: We met on K-Date, the dating section of the Kraft Foods website.
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No Extra Charge For the Stripped Gears and Door Dings
You worked all your life to afford that $150,000 car. Then you handed the keys to a complete stranger.
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He Loved Her
The Player: We’re more of the love, blood and rhetoric school. Well, we can do you blood and love without the rhetoric, and we can do you blood and rhetoric without the love, and we can do you all three concurrent or consecutive. But we can’t give you love and rhetoric without the blood. Blood is compulsory. They’re all blood, you see.
Gran Torino
Harry Tofcano
Zoolander
Blazing Saddles
Life of Brian
Fast Times at Ridgemont High
Milton Berle
