Joe Ditzel

Joe Ditzel Has Some Problems

Author: Joe Ditzel

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Joe Ditzel

Bowling Ball Cart

A young man working at the bowling alley with his father accidentally overturned a cart full of bowling balls. John at the snack bar looked over and saw the boy struggling to right the tipped cart.

“Hey Chris,” the snack bar employee said. “Forget your troubles for a bit. It’s late. Come over here and try some of these new jalapeno poppers and fries. I’ll help you with that cart after you eat.”

“That’s mighty nice of you, but Pa won’t like that,” Chris replied.

“Aw, come on, take a break for a bit,” the man at the snack bar insisted.

“Well, okay,” the boy finally agreed. “But Pa won’t like it.”

After eating a few of the poppers with ranch dressing and a huge plate of golden french fries, Chris thanked the snack bar worker. “I feel a lot better now, but I just know that Pa will be upset.”

“Nonsense,” the cook said. “Where is your pa anyway”?

“Under the cart.”

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Uncategorized
Joe Ditzel

First Time

A man goes skydiving for the first time. After listening to the instructor for what seems like days, he is ready to go.
Excited, he jumps out of the airplane. About five seconds later, he pulls the ripcord. Nothing happens.

He tries again. Still nothing.

He starts to panic, but remembers his back-up chute. He pulls that cord. Nothing happens. He frantically begins pulling both cords, but to no avail.

Suddenly, he looks down and he can’t believe his eyes. Another man is in the air with him, but this guy is going up!

Just as the other guy passes by, the skydiver — by this time scared out of his wits — yells, “Hey, do you know anything about skydiving?”

The other guy yells back, “No! Do you know anything about gas stoves?”

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General
Joe Ditzel

Sports Joke: Learning Sportsmanship

At one point during a game, the coach said to one of his young players, “Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?” The little boy nodded yes.

“Do you understand that what matters is whether we win together as a team?” The little boy nodded yes.

“So,” the coach continued, “when a strike is called, or you are out at first, you don’t argue or curse or attack the umpire. Do you understand all that?” Again, the boy nodded yes.

“Good,” said the coach. “Now go over there and explain it to your mother.

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Sports
Joe Ditzel

Sports Joke: Mental Health Lecture

The psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on mental health and had proceeded to give an oral quiz to the freshman class.

Speaking specifically about manic depression, the instructor asked, “How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?”

A young man in the rear of the room raised his hand and answered, “A basketball coach?”

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Joe
Joe Ditzel

Back to Pain

 

I woke up and felt the pain in my back immediately. What am I doing in my sleep that my lower back muscles tighten up like security outside Pamela Anderson’s dressing room?  I get this weird lower back lock every once in a while so it felt familiar. From experience I knew that there was really little I could do – it takes 5 to 14 days to work itself out.  But I went online anyway for a miracle cure and I may have found it- tennis balls:

http://saveyourself.ca/articles/tennis-ball.php

I put a tennis ball on the ground and laid my back on it and rolled around. Wow! It felt great and my back was back in shape in two days.

By the way, what is The Kong Dog Toy? Sounds like a punk band from China.

If you have a bad back, try the tennis ball thing.

And here is an inside secret I developed- take a racquetball with you in the car and lean your back against it.  Instant massage- For 3 bucks at Walmart for a sleeve of 3 racquetballs.

If you really get into this tennis ball massage therapy you might want to make this:

http://www.instructables.com/id/Tennis-Ball-Chair/

Or even this:

http://gizmodo.com/278729/tennis-balls-make-ballsy-benches

Let me know if you do.

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Family
Joe Ditzel

Grandpa’s Garden

I’ve been jumping rope lately in an attempt to lose my gut. So far so good- I’ve lost 20 pounds and counting. Jumping rope is convenient. The rope is light and packs easily. Recently I was visiting relatives and broke out my rope to get in a quick workout. My 9-year-old niece wandered by and, as usual, offered her opinion.

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