Kari Lake sues again

After eight failed court cases, Kari Lake looked around the room. “OK, folks, we need new ideas,” she said. I lost the election for governor of the state, but we all know it was rigged. We tried eight court cases but the judges are all corrupt.”

A new intern raised her hand.

“Yes? What do you need?” Lake asked.

“I have an idea,” the intern said softly.

“Well, let’s hear it. Speak up.”

“You should sue the air conditioning company. Claim the voting areas and polling locations were not kept cool enough. The election was stolen because people tend to vote for liberal candidates when the temperature is higher.”

“What? How can we get away with that?”

“Write some fake medical studies. Pay off a few professors. They never have enough money,” said the intern.

Lake stroked her chin, considering the intern’s suggestion. It was a long shot, but at this point, she was willing to try anything to overturn the election results. “Alright,” she said finally. “Let’s give it a go.”

Over the next few weeks, the team worked tirelessly to create a faux medical study that would support their claim that warmer temperatures sway voters towards liberal candidates. They even went as far as creating a fake university and hiring professors to publish the study under its name.

On the day of the hearing, the Lake sat nervously in the courtroom. The air conditioning company’s lawyers were tough, but her team was tougher. They presented their evidence and the fake medical study, and to everyone’s surprise, it worked. The judge ruled in favor of the candidate, stating that the warmer temperatures in the voting areas could have influenced the election results.

Lake was ecstatic. She proved the election was stolen. She couldn’t wait to get on Twitter to share the news.

The eight previous court cases seemed like nothing compared to this victory. She knew that the air conditioning company would appeal the decision, but she had a newfound confidence that she hadn’t felt in months. As she left the courthouse, the candidate pulled the intern aside.

“You were brilliant,” she said. “I couldn’t have done this without you. What did you say your name was?”