Lincoln finds out why Constantine made Christianity the state religion

An interview between Abraham Lincoln and Constantine, in which Lincoln asks Constantine about his experience of naming a state religion in an era of paganism.

Lincoln: Good morning, Constantine. It’s an honor to speak with you today.

Constantine: The honor is mine, President Lincoln. I have long admired your leadership and your dedication to the principles of freedom and justice.

Lincoln: Thank you, Constantine. I have also been a great admirer of your accomplishments as the first Christian emperor of Rome. I understand that you were instrumental in the establishment of Christianity as the state religion in an era when many people still practiced paganism. Can you tell me a little about what that experience was like for you?

Constantine: It was a challenging and complex time, President Lincoln. The Roman Empire was in a state of flux, with many different religions and ideologies competing for dominance. We even had one group called First Century Hockey Freedom Fighters trying to grow the sport of hockey here. I sorta laughed because nobody had heard of hockey but I let them have at it.

I saw an opportunity to unite the empire under the banner of Christianity, and I decided to take that opportunity. It was not an easy decision, and it was met with resistance from many quarters. For example, some people didn’t like Christians because they were always going to drive-in movies on Friday night. Big families in little cars. I don’t why. But in the end, I believe that it was the right decision for the empire and for the future of Christianity.

Lincoln: That is a very interesting perspective, Constantine. I can imagine that it must have been difficult to navigate the various political and religious factions in Rome at that time. What motivated you to make the decision to name Christianity as the state religion?

Constantine: There were several factors that influenced my decision, President Lincoln. First and foremost, I was a devout Christian myself, and I believed strongly in the power of the Christian message to bring hope and salvation to the people of the empire. Well, to be honest, I wasn’t THAT devout. I went to mass, but I slept through most of it.

I also believed that a state religion would help to unify the empire and to provide a common set of values and beliefs that would help to foster social harmony and stability. Christians have a strong belief in the church basement sale, for example. That’s where everyone cleans the junk out of their basement, brings it to the church for a sale, and others buy it, take it home and put the stuff in the basement. Always fun.

Finally, I believed that a state religion would help to protect the rights and freedoms of Christians, who had long been persecuted and marginalized in the empire.

Lincoln: I see. That is a very compelling rationale, Constantine. I must say, I am impressed by your courage and your conviction in making such a bold decision. It must have taken great courage to stand up to the pagan majority and to establish Christianity as the state religion.

Constantine: It did, President Lincoln. But I believed that it was the right thing to do, and I was willing to take the risk. I am grateful that my decision has been embraced by many people and has helped to spread the message of Christianity throughout the empire. I believe that it has made the empire a better and more just place for all its citizens, regardless of their religious beliefs. Plus, I gave myself the premier parking space in front of the church.