Gig Economy

OK, but what is a rutabaga?

This instruction I got for a food delivery order is off the charts.

“When you arrive at our address, please park your car inside the dragon’s mouth. Then, walk towards the large oak tree made of stone located at the end of the street, past the mailbox shaped like a giant rutabaga. Once you reach the rutabaga, you’ll see a large rock with a message carved into it saying “The Pain is Here”. Say that phrase out loud while jumping three times on your left foot while looking skyward for a golden horse pulling a chariot across the sky. A secret portal will open up in the ground. Jump into the portal, and let yourself be transported to another dimension.

You’ll find yourself in a magical forest filled with glowing mushrooms and talking animals. Turn left and walk towards the river. Once you reach the riverbank, yell out “Marco!” and listen for the response. If you hear “Marco is the man who murdered my father!”, that means you’re in the right place. Jump into the river and let the current guide you to a hidden cave behind a waterfall.

Inside the cave, you’ll find a group of friendly trolls who will gladly take the food. Sorry, no tip. Things are tight.”

Joe Ditzel

Joe Ditzel is a keynote speaker, humor writer, and really bad golfer. You can reach him via email at [email protected] as well as Twitter, Facebook, Google+ and LinkedIn.